Two more days until graduation. This means no more class for a while. No more clinical rotations and no more tests that make you want to rip your hair out, until boards that is. It does make you see how far you have come in some ways. I can safely say that I would never put myself through this again. The stress and expense needs to be worth it but only time will tell that one.
I still have over a week until we move. I can't say I am too excited about having to wait for that. Things have gotten really stressful for both of us and some of it I did not know, mostly because I was under my nursing school rock. Unfortunately it all came out in one big " Let's rip Kim apart for not doing/prioritizing the way I wanted her to after my roommate gets me wasted and she has JUST finished her preceptor ship from hell at 2am." I can safely say that this better not happen again. I can safely say that I was ready to go and sleep in my car because I felt like crap. I know where the stress is coming from and it is the house. Everything that is going on here in the background is getting dumped on my fiances and and then when it comes to talking with me about anything it becomes the straw that breaks the camel's back. I told him that I won't put up with it. There is no reason why this should even happen. Now, I am not saying stop caring about or listening to your friends but there is NO reason that you should be dragged into their crazy drama llama lives. That is pretty selfish of them.
I am ready to:
Be able to sit in a room other than a bedroom
Cook whenever I want
Have room in the fridge
Do laundry at the drop of a hat
Take a nap without people coming to the house screaming at the top of their lungs constantly
No dog hair everywhere
To have quiet time
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Thursday, June 21, 2012
One more shift, one more evlauation, one more ceremony
The end is officially a week away! Seven days from now I will have a cap, pin, diploma, and freedom (SWEET SWEET freedom!) The cap, pin, and ceremony I can do without but oh well. Today was mandatory graduation mass. I can safely say that church still makes me sweat and want to get up and flee the premises. I understand that I went to a catholic school but they push the religion thing way too far. I actually had the girl sitting next to me offended because I did not want a hymnal because I did not want to sing. Who are you to judge me, in the chapel of a catholic hospital none the less? I was sitting with two people from my original class and the three of us felt the same way, like outsiders. No matter how we may have tired, or not tried, we never really belonged to this class. We were just there to get this over with and finish what we started. Two of our other class members seem to have completely assimilated and fit in with this new class. That was good for them but we had to go to a brunch after mass and it was just odd. It felt like I walked in and sat down in the middle of a celebration for a group of people I did not even know. I did not participate in the superlatives because I did not know any names or any of the people who were in the room with me. This whole experience has been an odd roller coaster that I am more than happy to be off of. The fiance is also ready for this to be over. The lack of sleep, frustration, moods that can turn on a dime, long days, and the insanity that comes from having a part time job that does not even cut it will be finished and he can not wait.
As of now, there are plans to go out after graduation. I did not want to invite my parents but he seems to think that world war 5 will happen if they are not informed of the nights activities. I really do not want to celebrate with a bunch of people. I was just figuring that if people were going to be out or the two of us could just go out but he has decided that he wants this thing. If it is going to be like that, I only want people there who were supportive and understand what I have gone through and are proud of me for what I have done. None of the rest need to attend, which would be certain family members. I am actually half expecting for my grandparents to show up to this shindig uninvited because my mother has given them the information against all wished except for her own.
So I learned something interesting today and it made me quite upset. One of my friends, who happens to be one of my bridesmaids, is seeing a guy that plays soccer with our group of friends. A few weeks ago, my roommate's Girlfriend started talking about girls she had to set up with the guys of our group and then guys that she had for the girls. She made a comment about how someone needed to talk to my friend about who she was dating. As I was cooking I just listen to the conversation. The Girlfriend decided that my friend needs to start dating a specific person in the group. No offense to this guy but until he does something about a few things many girls will not date him. He is a nice funny guy but he needs to take care of himself and start to be responsible. All of a sudden the conversation turns to how they hate the guy she is seeing and want to get between them and have her with someone else just because they do not like him. I was really angry at this point in time. Then the Girlfriend says to me "You need to get on it talking to your friend about dating this person and not THAT person." I almost lost it on her. I replied " My friend is a big girl and can date whoever she wants. Besides, the people you are listing are not her type of guy from what I know so why don't you let her make her own choices." The reply of because we don't want this guy to be around all the time was not good enough for me. I told them that I would not talk to her about it and it is her business who she dates, not theirs. Tonight, my friend and I went out to dinner before she leaves for Germany and we were talking about moving and I asked how soccer was on Tuesday. She said that the Girlfriend had been in rare form and made the night really uncomfortable and akward for her. I wasn't sure what all she knew so I told her what had been happening at the house between the roommate and her (the fights not the dinner convo) and she said that wasn't it. She told me that the Girlfriend came up to her and asked her if she was still seeing this guy and my friend said yes. The Girlfriend then tells her, " Don't worry, I have some boys lined up so that we can fix this." My friend was taken aback and said she did not know what to think because the Girlfriend isn't even her friend. I was livid. I told my friend that I was sorry that happened and filled her in on the dinner conversation that happened. I told her that I informed them that they needed to leave her alone and let her do what she wants to do. She was appreciative but obviously someone did not want to listen. She really did not know what to think of this. I told my friend that she needs to tell the Girlfriend so shut up and mind her own business. I also told her that they have done this to other people and to not let them meddle. They have been the cause of some of the waves that happened early in my own relationship and once my fiance put his foot down, things got better. I told her to date who she wants and I would support her as long as she was happy and safe. I also told her that if she needed back up against the Girlfriend that I would do so because that was out of line. I am not really sure why this matters to the Girlfriend anyway because she is leaving in a few weeks for 10 months to go and teach some where. She should work on her own life before trying to fix someone else life who isn't even her friend...
As of now, there are plans to go out after graduation. I did not want to invite my parents but he seems to think that world war 5 will happen if they are not informed of the nights activities. I really do not want to celebrate with a bunch of people. I was just figuring that if people were going to be out or the two of us could just go out but he has decided that he wants this thing. If it is going to be like that, I only want people there who were supportive and understand what I have gone through and are proud of me for what I have done. None of the rest need to attend, which would be certain family members. I am actually half expecting for my grandparents to show up to this shindig uninvited because my mother has given them the information against all wished except for her own.
So I learned something interesting today and it made me quite upset. One of my friends, who happens to be one of my bridesmaids, is seeing a guy that plays soccer with our group of friends. A few weeks ago, my roommate's Girlfriend started talking about girls she had to set up with the guys of our group and then guys that she had for the girls. She made a comment about how someone needed to talk to my friend about who she was dating. As I was cooking I just listen to the conversation. The Girlfriend decided that my friend needs to start dating a specific person in the group. No offense to this guy but until he does something about a few things many girls will not date him. He is a nice funny guy but he needs to take care of himself and start to be responsible. All of a sudden the conversation turns to how they hate the guy she is seeing and want to get between them and have her with someone else just because they do not like him. I was really angry at this point in time. Then the Girlfriend says to me "You need to get on it talking to your friend about dating this person and not THAT person." I almost lost it on her. I replied " My friend is a big girl and can date whoever she wants. Besides, the people you are listing are not her type of guy from what I know so why don't you let her make her own choices." The reply of because we don't want this guy to be around all the time was not good enough for me. I told them that I would not talk to her about it and it is her business who she dates, not theirs. Tonight, my friend and I went out to dinner before she leaves for Germany and we were talking about moving and I asked how soccer was on Tuesday. She said that the Girlfriend had been in rare form and made the night really uncomfortable and akward for her. I wasn't sure what all she knew so I told her what had been happening at the house between the roommate and her (the fights not the dinner convo) and she said that wasn't it. She told me that the Girlfriend came up to her and asked her if she was still seeing this guy and my friend said yes. The Girlfriend then tells her, " Don't worry, I have some boys lined up so that we can fix this." My friend was taken aback and said she did not know what to think because the Girlfriend isn't even her friend. I was livid. I told my friend that I was sorry that happened and filled her in on the dinner conversation that happened. I told her that I informed them that they needed to leave her alone and let her do what she wants to do. She was appreciative but obviously someone did not want to listen. She really did not know what to think of this. I told my friend that she needs to tell the Girlfriend so shut up and mind her own business. I also told her that they have done this to other people and to not let them meddle. They have been the cause of some of the waves that happened early in my own relationship and once my fiance put his foot down, things got better. I told her to date who she wants and I would support her as long as she was happy and safe. I also told her that if she needed back up against the Girlfriend that I would do so because that was out of line. I am not really sure why this matters to the Girlfriend anyway because she is leaving in a few weeks for 10 months to go and teach some where. She should work on her own life before trying to fix someone else life who isn't even her friend...
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Just as it seems to be ending
I have about 30 hours left in preceptor and the hits just keep coming. So many unexpected things just came flying out of nowhere that I have no idea what to do with it anymore. At this point in time all I can do is walk in chin up and hope that I can do enough to undo whatever it was that was done. I will say I do have a new preceptor and so far she is rocking my socks off! I have a new goals list to make for my shift tomorrow night and I am just wondering how many of these things will she empower me to do?
I think after this month, I will not think of school for quite a while. I will do what is needed to pass my boards and then take a break from the insanity. I know they say that it will be harder to go back to school if you take a break and that is probably true. I need a break. 30 hours might not seem like that much but sometimes those hours are so jam packed and daunting that I would just like to walk out and go to sleep.
Graduation is coming up and I don't want to go. I walked at my high school graduation. I walked at my college graduation. I really have no desire to walk at this graduation. After three years of school mixed with a shifty nonsupportive outside system ( you know if this description DOES NOT APPLY TO YOU), I really feel no need to parade in front of a group of people that have no idea who I am and the ones who do, only a possible 4 out of the 5 who might attend actually are happy that I am finishing school. I have already been very vocal about no plans after graduation. This has not been listened to or considered in anyway shape or form by any person who was told. I can tell you that my mother, her mother (who I ever so sweetly informed if she wanted a party she could throw her own damn party), my sister, and my fiance all say at the end of the conversation, "Well, think about it and let me know what you want to do." I already stated that I do not want to do anything. I don't want a party. I do not want to go to the bar or have a celebratory dinner. I can not believe how difficult this could be to grasp. I think the one girl in my class made the best example for my case when she was telling us about her son who is graduating from high school and he did not want a party. Her immediate response to that statement (she informed us) is this, " I am your mother and I deserve a party." I can safely say that runs along the same lines as, " You shouldn't question why I want to invite someone to your wedding. I should just be able to send them an invite because they are my friend with no questions asked."
The move is coming up and the job hunt is at a stand still... I think I have come to terms with the fact that there is a good chance that I will not have a job when I graduate. I may not even have another interview until I pass my boards, which by the way is really killing me! I don't know how much longer a part time job that pays pebbles is going to cut it because it already is not. I hate not having the employment part of my future secured in the way that I want it to be secured but all I can do is submit more applications and wait.
Waiting with patience is not something I am very good at so I guess I am getting some much deserved practice.
I think after this month, I will not think of school for quite a while. I will do what is needed to pass my boards and then take a break from the insanity. I know they say that it will be harder to go back to school if you take a break and that is probably true. I need a break. 30 hours might not seem like that much but sometimes those hours are so jam packed and daunting that I would just like to walk out and go to sleep.
Graduation is coming up and I don't want to go. I walked at my high school graduation. I walked at my college graduation. I really have no desire to walk at this graduation. After three years of school mixed with a shifty nonsupportive outside system ( you know if this description DOES NOT APPLY TO YOU), I really feel no need to parade in front of a group of people that have no idea who I am and the ones who do, only a possible 4 out of the 5 who might attend actually are happy that I am finishing school. I have already been very vocal about no plans after graduation. This has not been listened to or considered in anyway shape or form by any person who was told. I can tell you that my mother, her mother (who I ever so sweetly informed if she wanted a party she could throw her own damn party), my sister, and my fiance all say at the end of the conversation, "Well, think about it and let me know what you want to do." I already stated that I do not want to do anything. I don't want a party. I do not want to go to the bar or have a celebratory dinner. I can not believe how difficult this could be to grasp. I think the one girl in my class made the best example for my case when she was telling us about her son who is graduating from high school and he did not want a party. Her immediate response to that statement (she informed us) is this, " I am your mother and I deserve a party." I can safely say that runs along the same lines as, " You shouldn't question why I want to invite someone to your wedding. I should just be able to send them an invite because they are my friend with no questions asked."
The move is coming up and the job hunt is at a stand still... I think I have come to terms with the fact that there is a good chance that I will not have a job when I graduate. I may not even have another interview until I pass my boards, which by the way is really killing me! I don't know how much longer a part time job that pays pebbles is going to cut it because it already is not. I hate not having the employment part of my future secured in the way that I want it to be secured but all I can do is submit more applications and wait.
Waiting with patience is not something I am very good at so I guess I am getting some much deserved practice.
Thursday, May 24, 2012
No Moss Grows on a Rolling Stone
I think that everyone has a time when they feel like they do not have the chance to stop moving for even a split second. That is how I have felt for the past 4 weeks! I have six more weeks left at school and it seems to be flying by and dragging at the same time. On top of that the moving situation is getting clearer and hairier all in the same instant and then wedding just seems to be steam rolling along just fine.
This clinical is showing me what I really want but I can't help think, am I really getting the full experience? How much am I missing spending the majority of my days in the fast track area and only having one 20 minuet experience in the Trauma Bay? Spending time in a pod assignment, only for two hours for a few times in the past few weeks. Don't get me wrong, I am learning things but I feel like there is so much that I could be seeing and I am not. This was also pointed out to me by a fellow classmate who works in this clinical department. I have started to wonder in my head if this will prepare me for being a nurse on my own. Hearing, "It is too busy for me to let you do anything. Checking your charting and going back through everything just takes too much time," is a phrase that I am hearing a lot lately and I have kind of come to expect it. I a hoping that with this midterm evaluation coming up that I can see what my preceptor actually thinks of me and where I stand in this whole situation.
The job hunt is still as barren as the Arctic Circle. Not a single phone call for an interview or job offer has been extended. I am starting to wonder how we are going to be able to afford to move and plan this wedding if I am unemployed. I am also trying to figure out how I am supposed to afford to take my boards when it costs more than three paychecks combined to register...Yeah... I have started to look for options outside of the nursing realm. Yes, I know this is not the best way to go but living off of a part time minimum wage job is not going to allow me to sleep with a roof over my head and shoes on my feet let alone food in my mouth. I hope that this is not the universe telling me that I made a huge mistake but I don't feel like I did. I think if it were a mistake that clinical would not eventually make waking up at 5am seem not so bad. (Okay, 5am is always bad but once I get going on the floor I realize why I am there.)
Apartments. I have not looked for an apartment since 2006. Nothing has changes. I forgot that hunting with another person makes it more difficult to get to a place where you can both stand to live. I understand one place is two hundred dollars cheaper than the other apartment that we saw but I would not pay to live in a place that looked that grungy. It could just be that the person just woke up and that they hadn't really cleaned up but there was very little storage, the ceilings were sloped in some places, and it was just sooo dark. I felt like I was in some sort of fort cave thing with carpet that matched the earth, and no it was not green. I am okay with a one bedroom apartment but I am not okay with the one bedroom frat house apartment just so that we save money and are motivated to find a house sooner rather than later.
The wedding planning is so far going swimmingly! Next week we are meeting with a potential photographer and we are also waiting to hear back from a potential DJ. Along with that, the whole wedding party has almost been chosen. I have one more spot to fill and he is waiting to hear from one person to see if he had one or two spots to fill. We agree on the degree of fanciness (AKA very little) and I think that we are in agreement of colors as well. I am not completely sure about the colors but I think I know what they are going to be. I am just having such a hard time with seeing a color pattern that I want. I know that the venue will be white lines so I really want the colors that we choose to pop out on the white. As usual, he does not care what color we pick but he has been very proactive with getting the photographer and the DJ set up. We also have the room block set up and ready to go. I think we are moving right along. I hope that simple stays fantastic!
This clinical is showing me what I really want but I can't help think, am I really getting the full experience? How much am I missing spending the majority of my days in the fast track area and only having one 20 minuet experience in the Trauma Bay? Spending time in a pod assignment, only for two hours for a few times in the past few weeks. Don't get me wrong, I am learning things but I feel like there is so much that I could be seeing and I am not. This was also pointed out to me by a fellow classmate who works in this clinical department. I have started to wonder in my head if this will prepare me for being a nurse on my own. Hearing, "It is too busy for me to let you do anything. Checking your charting and going back through everything just takes too much time," is a phrase that I am hearing a lot lately and I have kind of come to expect it. I a hoping that with this midterm evaluation coming up that I can see what my preceptor actually thinks of me and where I stand in this whole situation.
The job hunt is still as barren as the Arctic Circle. Not a single phone call for an interview or job offer has been extended. I am starting to wonder how we are going to be able to afford to move and plan this wedding if I am unemployed. I am also trying to figure out how I am supposed to afford to take my boards when it costs more than three paychecks combined to register...Yeah... I have started to look for options outside of the nursing realm. Yes, I know this is not the best way to go but living off of a part time minimum wage job is not going to allow me to sleep with a roof over my head and shoes on my feet let alone food in my mouth. I hope that this is not the universe telling me that I made a huge mistake but I don't feel like I did. I think if it were a mistake that clinical would not eventually make waking up at 5am seem not so bad. (Okay, 5am is always bad but once I get going on the floor I realize why I am there.)
Apartments. I have not looked for an apartment since 2006. Nothing has changes. I forgot that hunting with another person makes it more difficult to get to a place where you can both stand to live. I understand one place is two hundred dollars cheaper than the other apartment that we saw but I would not pay to live in a place that looked that grungy. It could just be that the person just woke up and that they hadn't really cleaned up but there was very little storage, the ceilings were sloped in some places, and it was just sooo dark. I felt like I was in some sort of fort cave thing with carpet that matched the earth, and no it was not green. I am okay with a one bedroom apartment but I am not okay with the one bedroom frat house apartment just so that we save money and are motivated to find a house sooner rather than later.
The wedding planning is so far going swimmingly! Next week we are meeting with a potential photographer and we are also waiting to hear back from a potential DJ. Along with that, the whole wedding party has almost been chosen. I have one more spot to fill and he is waiting to hear from one person to see if he had one or two spots to fill. We agree on the degree of fanciness (AKA very little) and I think that we are in agreement of colors as well. I am not completely sure about the colors but I think I know what they are going to be. I am just having such a hard time with seeing a color pattern that I want. I know that the venue will be white lines so I really want the colors that we choose to pop out on the white. As usual, he does not care what color we pick but he has been very proactive with getting the photographer and the DJ set up. We also have the room block set up and ready to go. I think we are moving right along. I hope that simple stays fantastic!
Friday, May 18, 2012
One of those nights
I have to say, up until a very recent few days ago I was having a pretty good streak of optimism. It has come crashing down in a flaming ball of vengeance right into my face. So much for trying to reintegrate myself and be productive at the same time. This will be a reminder to never try this again.
We have picked our venue and our date for the wedding! I am so excited for the venue! It is everything that we want and need all in one place and I don't think we could've done better judging by the things I found in my research. Right now we are chugging along in the planning. I have been dragging my feet on the color scheme but we are going to talk to some photographers and DJs to make sure that we have the booked for the big day. I also found out that one of my trivia friends is an ordained minister and I am going to see if he will marry us and how much his fees are. I feel like having someone we know marry us would be an awesome addition to our wedding. I have gotten 2 acceptances for my bridesmaids and now I just have two more to get. I know who I want my third person to be but I am jumping between a few people for the fourth. Other than this third person, everyone else I want to ask is out of town so I don't want to add any pressure to them and I know from personal experience how stressful it can be to not be in the same town as everyone else in the wedding. I do not know if he has picked any one for his groomsmen but that is his job not mine.
So I attended my first family event since Christmas eve and I must say that it was not as bad as I thought it would be but if it is any predictor of what it will be like at my wedding, there may be a deep freeze in the midst of the summer. I spent the afternoon talking to my sister, brother in law, uncle, his partner, my other uncle, his wife, and I played with a cat. My mom did not say a word to me. At the end of the night, after my grandparents left, I told my parents that we had decided on our wedding venue and that we were going to pick a date because we were debating between two weekends and if we should do Saturday or Sunday. I was so nicely informed that the date I wanted for the past few months was, " The worst date to pick ever. What in the world makes you think that is a good idea? People have holiday plans that they do every year and they are not going to want to deviate from them You will ruin a lot of people's holidays..." Thanks mom, that is exactly what I want to hear about my wedding. I told her that the site has a website and that there is a photo gallery she can check out. I said I would email her a link but that if I was not able to that she could type in the name of the venue into Google and the first 5 links would lead her to the site. I stayed later at my parents' house today to tell them in person that we set a date and have started planning. All of a sudden my mom says, "You will have to take me out to the site so that we can plan it. I need to know how formal and appraise the situation..." All I could say was, "You didn't look at the website yet?" This was apparently the wrong thing to ask because then all of a sudden she did not know the name of the site or the website or how to find it because I did not send her a link by email so how was she supposed to know. So I reminded her of the conversation that we had on Sunday and she doesn't remember the conversation at all so she doesn't think that it happened. She turns and asks my dad if he remembers the conversation and he told the truth and said yes. At this point in time she decided to start yelling at him for not telling her and not reminding her to look at the website. By now, I am fed up as all hell. So I tell her that we are getting married in a civil war era barn and they we are going simple and not formal. She did not remember any of this conversation. Then the whole thing turned into a big stink about meeting his parents and I just told her that they probably won't meet them until the wedding. The whole mess has now turned into how inappropriate that is and how awkward it would make the wedding. That is just unacceptable and my finance needs to do something about it. I am not (nor can I) forcing his family to go out to dinner with my insane mother.
I have no idea what to do with all of this. We were doing so well and getting organized and planning and I go to tell them one thing and I am wishing I would have won the battle to go to City Hall. I hope that this is not a bad omen but right now she can't be part of the planning because I will not survive it. I don't understand why everything that I have done so far with planning is horrible. That opinion of her's is not going to change and it will not make anything easy. I heard the things that she and my grandmother said about another very nice heavily planned event and I am so afraid that they are going to go around bad mouthing me like they did that person.
To night is one of those nights where I wish I lived somewhere else. There are a whole bunch of loud annoying guys in my house drinking and carrying on why there are a group of girls in the attic. I am getting from every angle and all I want to do right now is go to sleep. I have a 12-1230 in the ER tomorrow and quite frankly this is obnoxiously annoying and not conducive to my life right now. If I could just detach the room from the rest of the house that would be great right about now. Here is to sleep I will not be getting anytime soon...
We have picked our venue and our date for the wedding! I am so excited for the venue! It is everything that we want and need all in one place and I don't think we could've done better judging by the things I found in my research. Right now we are chugging along in the planning. I have been dragging my feet on the color scheme but we are going to talk to some photographers and DJs to make sure that we have the booked for the big day. I also found out that one of my trivia friends is an ordained minister and I am going to see if he will marry us and how much his fees are. I feel like having someone we know marry us would be an awesome addition to our wedding. I have gotten 2 acceptances for my bridesmaids and now I just have two more to get. I know who I want my third person to be but I am jumping between a few people for the fourth. Other than this third person, everyone else I want to ask is out of town so I don't want to add any pressure to them and I know from personal experience how stressful it can be to not be in the same town as everyone else in the wedding. I do not know if he has picked any one for his groomsmen but that is his job not mine.
So I attended my first family event since Christmas eve and I must say that it was not as bad as I thought it would be but if it is any predictor of what it will be like at my wedding, there may be a deep freeze in the midst of the summer. I spent the afternoon talking to my sister, brother in law, uncle, his partner, my other uncle, his wife, and I played with a cat. My mom did not say a word to me. At the end of the night, after my grandparents left, I told my parents that we had decided on our wedding venue and that we were going to pick a date because we were debating between two weekends and if we should do Saturday or Sunday. I was so nicely informed that the date I wanted for the past few months was, " The worst date to pick ever. What in the world makes you think that is a good idea? People have holiday plans that they do every year and they are not going to want to deviate from them You will ruin a lot of people's holidays..." Thanks mom, that is exactly what I want to hear about my wedding. I told her that the site has a website and that there is a photo gallery she can check out. I said I would email her a link but that if I was not able to that she could type in the name of the venue into Google and the first 5 links would lead her to the site. I stayed later at my parents' house today to tell them in person that we set a date and have started planning. All of a sudden my mom says, "You will have to take me out to the site so that we can plan it. I need to know how formal and appraise the situation..." All I could say was, "You didn't look at the website yet?" This was apparently the wrong thing to ask because then all of a sudden she did not know the name of the site or the website or how to find it because I did not send her a link by email so how was she supposed to know. So I reminded her of the conversation that we had on Sunday and she doesn't remember the conversation at all so she doesn't think that it happened. She turns and asks my dad if he remembers the conversation and he told the truth and said yes. At this point in time she decided to start yelling at him for not telling her and not reminding her to look at the website. By now, I am fed up as all hell. So I tell her that we are getting married in a civil war era barn and they we are going simple and not formal. She did not remember any of this conversation. Then the whole thing turned into a big stink about meeting his parents and I just told her that they probably won't meet them until the wedding. The whole mess has now turned into how inappropriate that is and how awkward it would make the wedding. That is just unacceptable and my finance needs to do something about it. I am not (nor can I) forcing his family to go out to dinner with my insane mother.
I have no idea what to do with all of this. We were doing so well and getting organized and planning and I go to tell them one thing and I am wishing I would have won the battle to go to City Hall. I hope that this is not a bad omen but right now she can't be part of the planning because I will not survive it. I don't understand why everything that I have done so far with planning is horrible. That opinion of her's is not going to change and it will not make anything easy. I heard the things that she and my grandmother said about another very nice heavily planned event and I am so afraid that they are going to go around bad mouthing me like they did that person.
To night is one of those nights where I wish I lived somewhere else. There are a whole bunch of loud annoying guys in my house drinking and carrying on why there are a group of girls in the attic. I am getting from every angle and all I want to do right now is go to sleep. I have a 12-1230 in the ER tomorrow and quite frankly this is obnoxiously annoying and not conducive to my life right now. If I could just detach the room from the rest of the house that would be great right about now. Here is to sleep I will not be getting anytime soon...
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Some days
I was thinking that all the stress and aggravation of things was in the process of disappearing. I was quite wrong on that note. I seriously feel like I might have been just slightly delusional when I was thinking that. As it turns out, all the stress just shifts into a different spot, kind of like osmosis, from high concentrations of stress to lower ones.
The stress of buying a house is now gone. Instead it is stress of looking for an apartment. Our target moving date is in July or August so there is still sometime to look. However, I know one of the persons getting ready to take an already empty room at the current house is someone who I can only take for limited periods of time. Don't get me wrong, this person is a very nice and caring person but just way too hyper for me. So the unsaid goal is to be out before this person moves in. The other stress is finding a place that is not a slum, affordable, and in the area we are currently in. I know I have only been searching two days but there have not been a lot of options in the two days I have been looking. Hopefully, this stress will pass quickly.
The main stress on my mind right now is twofold. School and job hunting. School because I am trying to juggle my preceptor's schedule, my school schedule, getting my hours in and forcing myself to stay at work to get enough cash to cover random expenses. Not only that but graduation is going to be a battle. There us just so much stupid family politics dealing with invitations that I would just rather not go. There are people that I would LOVE to invite to my graduation due to their support and the fact that they are proud of my accomplishment but inviting these people and not certain family member would start an amazing uproar. Said relatives were not supportive of me nor did they believe in my ability or that I should have even gone to school. My question is, why should be people who did not support me, my decisions, or my accomplishments be there to celebrate? To me, they shouldn't be but because they are not there the people who did support me can not be there. I know that does not make sense but what will make this whole thing make sense is that those who are not invited will hear about the others being invited in passing conversation. This would mostly happen because the invited people would assume that the family members would be invited. This would just cause gossip and unwanted conflict that I want to avoid.
The other scenario that I am fearing is the uninvited guest being invited by a parent (and showing up) because this parent feels that the family member should be there. I have actually debated not sending my parents an invitation and just telling them all the details a few days before so that this can be avoided. As I am typing this I know that I sound like some paranoid and possibly delusional person, but would be extremely upset if this person showed up at my graduation, especially unannounced.
So far there is nothing on the job front. So many applications and no call backs. It really is starting to make me freak out and the calming don't worry bull that everyone is spewing does nothing for me. I also hate that they basically did a bate and switch on us. They tell us there is this whole big job pool and then every single week the job pool is smaller and smaller and smaller so that we are being advised to take the first job offer we get no matter how miserable you will be for the year you must stay there. I feel like they think that we are all just fresh out of high school or college with no experience what-so-ever and will eat this "advice" up like candy. After being in some of the units and specialty areas I have been in, I don't know how easy it will be for me to go back.
Tomorrow we are going to see a wedding venue. We are hoping that it is what we want/need. I want to set a date and start planning. I want to know where we are doing this so I can start to get all the info I need and start getting everything set up so that I can do all the research I need to make this all sooo much easier.
Some day the stress will go away or just become less intense.
The stress of buying a house is now gone. Instead it is stress of looking for an apartment. Our target moving date is in July or August so there is still sometime to look. However, I know one of the persons getting ready to take an already empty room at the current house is someone who I can only take for limited periods of time. Don't get me wrong, this person is a very nice and caring person but just way too hyper for me. So the unsaid goal is to be out before this person moves in. The other stress is finding a place that is not a slum, affordable, and in the area we are currently in. I know I have only been searching two days but there have not been a lot of options in the two days I have been looking. Hopefully, this stress will pass quickly.
The main stress on my mind right now is twofold. School and job hunting. School because I am trying to juggle my preceptor's schedule, my school schedule, getting my hours in and forcing myself to stay at work to get enough cash to cover random expenses. Not only that but graduation is going to be a battle. There us just so much stupid family politics dealing with invitations that I would just rather not go. There are people that I would LOVE to invite to my graduation due to their support and the fact that they are proud of my accomplishment but inviting these people and not certain family member would start an amazing uproar. Said relatives were not supportive of me nor did they believe in my ability or that I should have even gone to school. My question is, why should be people who did not support me, my decisions, or my accomplishments be there to celebrate? To me, they shouldn't be but because they are not there the people who did support me can not be there. I know that does not make sense but what will make this whole thing make sense is that those who are not invited will hear about the others being invited in passing conversation. This would mostly happen because the invited people would assume that the family members would be invited. This would just cause gossip and unwanted conflict that I want to avoid.
The other scenario that I am fearing is the uninvited guest being invited by a parent (and showing up) because this parent feels that the family member should be there. I have actually debated not sending my parents an invitation and just telling them all the details a few days before so that this can be avoided. As I am typing this I know that I sound like some paranoid and possibly delusional person, but would be extremely upset if this person showed up at my graduation, especially unannounced.
So far there is nothing on the job front. So many applications and no call backs. It really is starting to make me freak out and the calming don't worry bull that everyone is spewing does nothing for me. I also hate that they basically did a bate and switch on us. They tell us there is this whole big job pool and then every single week the job pool is smaller and smaller and smaller so that we are being advised to take the first job offer we get no matter how miserable you will be for the year you must stay there. I feel like they think that we are all just fresh out of high school or college with no experience what-so-ever and will eat this "advice" up like candy. After being in some of the units and specialty areas I have been in, I don't know how easy it will be for me to go back.
Tomorrow we are going to see a wedding venue. We are hoping that it is what we want/need. I want to set a date and start planning. I want to know where we are doing this so I can start to get all the info I need and start getting everything set up so that I can do all the research I need to make this all sooo much easier.
Some day the stress will go away or just become less intense.
Wednesday, May 9, 2012
7 more weeks...
So there are six more weeks of juggling clinical, random mandatory class events, work, and life. Seven more weeks left in the term and I am getting more and more antsy everyday.
The interview day that HR set up for the school has been done for about two weeks. I only got one interview and no call back. I have been putting in applications anywhere from one to five applications as a time. I have not had any calls for interviews and a freak out is right on the verge of happening. I am hearing of who has gotten call backs and I am wondering either what I did wrong or how this person was able to get this job? One of the positions accepted kind of blows my mind...
So today I took this exam called the HESI. It doesn't count for anything but it is supposed to predict how people will preform on the NCLEX. I learned that I need to by a Psych NCLEX book because that is where my lowest score was. The school has set their acceptable pass number at 850 and the pass number at 900. I did pretty well so even if I don't get a job after all this, I will still be an RN, haha!
This week we are going to look at a wedding venue and I hope that it is what we want and that we can just do the deposit and start getting this stuff done.
Now that we are not looking at houses I need to start looking at apartments and finding a job. If I don't get a job right away we need to make sure that wherever we go that won't affect it too badly. I am hoping that does not become the situation but there are no guarantees in the job field. I just hope that I hear something soon because with finding a place to live, planning a wedding, and having other costs kick back in this could be either something good or something bad. I am hoping for the good.
The interview day that HR set up for the school has been done for about two weeks. I only got one interview and no call back. I have been putting in applications anywhere from one to five applications as a time. I have not had any calls for interviews and a freak out is right on the verge of happening. I am hearing of who has gotten call backs and I am wondering either what I did wrong or how this person was able to get this job? One of the positions accepted kind of blows my mind...
So today I took this exam called the HESI. It doesn't count for anything but it is supposed to predict how people will preform on the NCLEX. I learned that I need to by a Psych NCLEX book because that is where my lowest score was. The school has set their acceptable pass number at 850 and the pass number at 900. I did pretty well so even if I don't get a job after all this, I will still be an RN, haha!
This week we are going to look at a wedding venue and I hope that it is what we want and that we can just do the deposit and start getting this stuff done.
Now that we are not looking at houses I need to start looking at apartments and finding a job. If I don't get a job right away we need to make sure that wherever we go that won't affect it too badly. I am hoping that does not become the situation but there are no guarantees in the job field. I just hope that I hear something soon because with finding a place to live, planning a wedding, and having other costs kick back in this could be either something good or something bad. I am hoping for the good.
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