Can there be a break soon?

I can safely say that it has been quite a few weeks since I have had a spare second to do anything that was not work related. After being at WHBM for a few weeks, I accepted a promotion as a part time member of the management team. Although the position is part time I am working closer to full time hours. Don't get me wrong, the reward is better than not working or working at Scrubology but I just don't feel like there is enough time to get anything done! I was finally able to get to the gym for the second time in 2 weeks. That is not like me at all. I am usually there about two or three times a week and switch it off with running the other days. I have been closing the store down a lot so that does not leave a lot of time after work to go for a run. Plus, I am really not a twilight runner. It kind of creeps me out. I know that as long as I am doing something that is better than nothing but I still need to find a way to challenge myself with the workouts or else I won't be getting much out of them.

Work is going well. We are having a bit of a rough segment right now. There are some changes going on with in the store that are causing some upheaval (not bad like an uprising but enough to cause some issues) and it is having an effect on the store. Some of our people are getting discouraged more easily than others and it is showing on their faces and in their work. It is getting a little harder each time to try and not only pull them out  the funk but to bring everything out of the funk is getting harder to do as well. Hopefully, this transition will become easier despite it being rough.

I took my boards and I passed! I was soo excited when that license popped up in the state website the next morning! I no longer have to worry about if I will pass or not and how that will affect everything else in my life. I think the fact that I am at a job that will pay the bills and keep me in a good place (and look good on my resume) kept a lot of the pressure off of me when I went in to take the exam. I think that if I had been using my TPP (a waste of $35 since I never used it) I would have been a lot more on edge and anxious than I was. I also took the test in Morgantown. I know what most people are thinking, "Why would taking the test in another state and a city you don't live in help you..?"  It just so happens that the Morgantown testing site had an appointment with in the time frame I was looking to take the test. If I would have settled for a date in Pittsburgh I would still be waiting to take the exam (and probably ripping my hair out). I also was more familiar with the area in Morgantown. After doing my undergrad there I knew exactly where the testing site was and how to get there. It couldn't have been better! We stayed in the same hotel we stayed in a few years ago for a friend's wedding. It was still a very nice and affordable place. I was able to get a good night sleep and feel confident about getting to my test on time. I was very happy with how the day went.

The wedding plans that are going very swimmingly right now! I made a great move and a huge mistake at the same time. I saw a dress through the window of the BCBG store near my store. From outside it looked like it was just an all white strapless dress. I figured I would go in one day and check it out and possibly try it on. I went in the other day after work and it turns out that the dress has a black little sash around it but other than that it was a simple strapless chiffon gown. It is beautiful and simple, just what I am looking for! I tried it on and it fit almost perfectly. I feel like the top may have been a little tight but they said that it would stretch as I wore it. Also the hem was a little long.  One of my bridesmaids has agreed to go to the only dress shop that seems to have the other dress I have my eye on to physically see it and try it on and then head to BCBG to see the dress there. I would really just buy the dress at BCBG but I don't want to be thinking, what if I would have had the chance to try on the other dress?? I have been looking at this dress for months on the J.Crew site and I really just feel like I need to see it and try it on before I go and buy another dress. I know that sounds silly but it is true. I don't need "dress what if" while planning a wedding!

Hopefully this will all pan out the way that it is supposed to. I just hope that everything continues to go smoothly and that the kinks get worked out accordingly.

So, if I am here, When am I getting there...?

Things are moving. Some seem to be going at the never ending sail pace of life and other are flying by that I barely realize that they actually happened! I feel like we have been in our new place for more than just a month! It seems like that but in a good way. We are all settled in but we are still finding that we need some little things.

Lately, I have been trying to be more social than normal and I kind of like it. I hate to say it but I can be quite the homebody. I really do love nothing more than to curl up with a book or to go outside with book and just get lost. One of my friend's sister (well she is my friend as well) is moving down south to go to grad school. Even though I was unable to go out to the club with them, it was really nice to just hang out with some really fun people that I have not been able to see in a while. We have also been to the movies in the park. We saw The Muppets last Sunday and this Sunday, I for sure, and going to have the viewing pleasure of The Temple of Doom. Movies in the park just happen to be a free event that I forgot to take advantage of this summer. I will need to remember this for next summer for my weekends off.

The wedding planning is still up to par but we need to get on the planning train again before we get behind. The Save The Dates are in the process of being printed so they will be sent out in a month or two. We are trying to get the DJ booked with in the next week or two so that all of our big vendors are off the list of things to do. I have not made a decision on what I want to do about flowers. We are not using them for center pieces but I know that we will probably need then for the bouquets and the guys but other than that I will NOT be getting any corsages or flowers for mothers, grandmothers, ect. There is not need to add that uselessness into our budget.

On the job front, I am working retail again. So far it is working out and I have a fall back in case this whole nursing thing does not pan out in real life time. For the nursing front, so far mostly only rejections. I did have an interview this past week but I am not really going to get my hopes up to high. By the end, I felt like it went really well but I also thought that my other three interviews went well and I ended up not getting the job(s). Hopefully I will get something soon. I will not be counting my chickens until they have hatched!

Also on the nursing front....The boards. They will be coming up in a little over a week! YIKES!! Right now, I just have to make sure I keep preparing for them and keep my spirits up. As long as I keep doing these prep questions I think I will be okay. I am actually going out of town to take the test. Where I am going it not that far but it was the only testing center that came up with a date closer than September! What is really funny is that the testing center is in Morgantown, where I went to University, and it just so happens that I know where the testing center is and could find it more easily than any other testing centers here (Where I LIVE)!! So I decided that it would be worth it take the adventure back to my old home and take my boards there. I did well on all my finals so why not my boards as well! I think I may need some Boston Beanery after my exam... or maybe some Black Bear Burrito....

Surviving the job hunt, the random jobs inbetween, and wedding planning

So, after losing my job about a week ago I accepted another position with a retail company that I worked for before. I had a choice between working for this branch of the retail company or work for another retail company but in the same realm of clothing as the other store. I accepted the position because if this nursing job hunt never pops up, I may possibly move into management. It is not the way I want to go because I did not go to school for it but I will at least be able to survive and pay bills with this job.

The nursing job hunt has brought about nothing. I never thought that finding a job after school would be this rough, especially with having to be with this place for 2 years to pay for school. Job placement has been a huge joke of an assistance so I don't really know what to do at this point besides to sit and wait until I take my boards. There really is nothing else I can do and it is driving me nuts.

Wedding planning, so far, has been smooth. The next things that we are going to work on are the DJ and the shuttle service for after the reception. We have all the other big stuff so we are going to be moving on to the small stuff. The DJ is the last "big" thing that we would need for the reception. The wedding party has been picked and the best man had been picked. I am waiting to see what happens with some other events (outside of the wedding) to pick the maid of honor. I don't want to pick someone who is going to be far away from the city and have them be responsible for planning and attending every event, help me with dress stuff, and possibly some decisions.

The guest list is getting the final touches for the family and right now I am trying to be patient with my mother. Yesterday, she called me about a message I sent her asking to review the list and make sure that there are no family members that MIGHT need to be added to the list. After talking to her about people that were on there and should be on there, she tells me, "Well, I wasn't going to invite the Medinas because you don't know them and they don't know you."  I was immediately confused because I can place a face with all of the names that she named and one of them was my confirmation sponsor. I was really appalled that she was not going to invite my dad's family. So I may be adding some names to the list. After that discussion, she then tells me, " Since you are keeping this small I think that you should either just have two small showers, one small shower, or I will just give you money so that you can buy whatever you want." My reply was that I am okay with a small shower. She then says, "Well, I don't really want to make any big announcements/ call outs for the shower because I really don't think it is worth my sisters and family coming in for the shower when the families are so far apart." This is where I have an issue because my brother in-law's family is from the same exact area as my finance's family. I am not sure who moved but everyone is still in the same place. This is the thing that kills me. She is annoyed that we picked our venue, bridal party, wedding date, and have guest list power without her. My fiance and I are paying for this wedding on our own and that means that we have the final say in just about everything, if not everything. I am really upset about this because she doesn't think that we aren't worth sending out a piece of paper to her family to invite them to a bridal shower. Right now, I feel like if my maid of honor plans a shower that she won't be involved in any of it unless she wants to be a guest. My fiance did not really understand my frustration with being told that my mother doesn't want to WASTE the time and energy to help plan a bridal shower let alone WASTE her family's time by inviting them to such an event. I really feel like we should just go to the justice of the peace and then have the reception next year at the Barn and not tell anyone. These past few years have been the least supported by my family (namely my mother and her family) so this makes me feel like they shouldn't be there.

Any ideas on how to keep this drama to a no boil and not let it go to a full boil?

Long abscences = time crunches and insanity

So school is finally over! My time is spent prepping for boards, searching for a nursing job, getting set up in the new apartment, and trying to find a steady job in the mean time. With everything that has been going on I completely forgot about a number of things and some of them just happened to be important things. They are slowly getting crossed off the list.

The move into the new apartment went smoothly. Even though my sister bitched and moaned about the heat, that was really the only low point. We had more than enough people come out to help move our furniture and eat lunch with us. Our one friend set up our internet after the MASSIVE failure of a Comcast tech that was sent here. He couldn't figure out how to work my laptop or the fact that he needed to connect everything to the router as well...Yeah, epic fail. Since then we have just been getting everything set up and getting all the little things that we didn't think about. Our most recent addition to the apartment a very nice round dining room table. It is a glass top and has 4 chairs. It fits nicely in the far corner of the living room. He now wants place mats for the table to protect it from food and people.

There is more news other than the new apartment. I found out on Tuesday that I lost my job while I was on my way to work. The only warning that I had was to call my DM at 1pm. She called me at 1130 and told me about the new DM and districts and how they no longer are utilizing part time employees, effective immediately. So, there I was driving to a job that no longer existed with out a pay check wasting gas. All I could think about was "Yay, no more scrubs and walking in circles!" Then I started thinking, "I have no pay check which means I have no money..." Even though it was a pitiful excuse for a pay check it was still income. Maybe three hours later, I had on some freshly ironed pants and shirt, freshly printed resumes in hand, and dress shoes on hoofing it around South Side Works looking for a job. I was offered two interviews for the next day and then two job offers on the spot. I took the second offer but until I actually start working there I will not know if I made a mistake in my choice or not. I kind of feel like I did even though the advice I received was very sounds and made a lot of sense. I really am just questioning if going for the resume building possibilities and the extremely slightly hire starting salary was really better than going for the Store Manager that has had employees in nursing school/prepping to take their boards and understands what they are going through. Only time will tell.

The job search is also yielding ZERO results or offers for nursing positions. I have until the end of September to be offered a position and accept it for the tuition forgiveness program to kick in. Even though that is still a little over two months, all I can think is "It is ONLY A LITTLE OVER TWO MONTHS!!" I am planning to take my exam at the end of August. Right now prep is going okay. I want my scores to get a little more steady in the 70's before I schedule my exam. I will see where I am in two weeks and if they are better then I will schedule for the end of August and if not, I will schedule for September. I know that the school is really big on students taking their boards ASAP but they are also really harsh on us about passing the first time. I would rather not pay another two hundred dollars to take a test but I also know that the school cares more about their numbers than anything else.

Other than those few set backs, everything else has been really good for us. We have the apartment pretty much set up the way we want it and are getting settled quite nicely. This was a great apartment to chose  for our first place. It is smaller than a house but it is bigger than the area we had in the house and the other apartments that we looked at. We do have one really loud neighbor but I will get over that. The running route that has come with the new place is pretty awesome. The loft that we have gives us more space because he can have his office up there and it is not taking up the extra space that we have in the living room. Now, if I could just find a place for my nursing books it would be perfect!

2 more days of one thing and many more days of another

Two more days until graduation. This means no more class for a while. No more clinical rotations and no more tests that make you want to rip your hair out, until boards that is. It does make you see how far you have come in some ways. I can safely say that I would never put myself through this again. The stress and expense needs to be worth it but only time will tell that one.

I still have over a week until we move. I can't say I am too excited about having to wait for that. Things have gotten really stressful for both of us and some of it I did not know, mostly because I was under my nursing school rock. Unfortunately it all came out in one big " Let's rip Kim apart for not doing/prioritizing the way I wanted her to after my roommate gets me wasted and she has JUST finished her preceptor ship from hell at 2am." I can safely say that this better not happen again. I can safely say that I was ready to go and sleep in my car because I felt like crap. I know where the stress is coming from and it is the house. Everything that is going on here in the background is getting dumped on my fiances and and then when it comes to talking with me about anything it becomes the straw that breaks the camel's back. I told him that I won't put up with it. There is no reason why this should even happen. Now, I am not saying stop caring about or listening to your friends but there is NO reason that you should be dragged into their crazy drama llama lives. That is pretty selfish of them.

I am ready to:
Be able to sit in a room other than a bedroom
Cook whenever I want
Have room in the fridge
Do laundry at the drop of a hat
Take a nap without people coming to the house screaming at the top of their lungs constantly
No dog hair everywhere
To have quiet time

One more shift, one more evlauation, one more ceremony

The end is officially a week away! Seven days from now I will have a cap, pin, diploma, and freedom (SWEET SWEET freedom!) The cap, pin, and ceremony I can do without but oh well. Today was mandatory graduation mass. I can safely say that church still makes me sweat and want to get up and flee the premises. I understand that I went to a catholic school but they push the religion thing way too far. I actually had the girl sitting next to me offended because I did not want a hymnal because I did not want to sing. Who are you to judge me, in the chapel of a catholic hospital none the less? I was sitting with two people from my original class and the three of us felt the same way, like outsiders. No matter how we may have tired, or not tried, we never really belonged to this class. We were just there to get this over with and finish what we started. Two of our other class members seem to have completely assimilated and fit in with this new class. That was good for them but we had to go to a brunch after mass and it was just odd. It felt like I walked in and sat down in the middle of a celebration for a group of people I did not even know. I did not participate in the superlatives because I did not know any names or any of the people who were in the room with me. This whole experience has been an odd roller coaster that I am more than happy to be off of.  The fiance is also ready for this to be over. The lack of sleep, frustration, moods that can turn on a dime, long days, and the insanity that comes from having a part time job that does not even cut it will be finished and he can not wait.

As of now, there are plans to go out after graduation. I did not want to invite my parents but he seems to think that world war 5 will happen if they are not informed of the nights activities. I really do not want to celebrate with a bunch of people. I was just figuring that if people were going to be out or the two of us could just go out but he has decided that he wants this thing. If it is going to be like that, I only want people there who were supportive and understand what I have gone through and are proud of me for what I have done. None of the rest need to attend, which would be certain family members. I am actually half expecting for my grandparents to show up to this shindig uninvited because my mother has given them the information against all wished except for her own.

So I learned something interesting today and it made me quite upset. One of my friends, who happens to be one of my bridesmaids, is seeing a guy that plays soccer with our group of friends. A few weeks ago, my roommate's Girlfriend started talking about girls she had to set up with the guys of our group and then guys that she had for the girls. She made a comment about how someone needed to talk to my friend about who she was dating. As I was cooking I just listen to the conversation. The Girlfriend decided that my friend needs to start dating a specific person in the group. No offense to this guy but until he does something about a few things many girls will not date him. He is a nice funny guy but he needs to take care of himself and start to be responsible. All of a sudden the conversation turns to how they hate the guy she is seeing and want to get between them and have her with someone else just because they do not like him. I was really angry at this point in time. Then the Girlfriend says to me "You need to get on it talking to your friend about dating this person and not THAT person." I almost lost it on her. I replied " My friend is a big girl and can date whoever she wants. Besides, the people you are listing are not her type of guy from what I know so why don't you let her make her own choices." The reply of because we don't want this guy to be around all the time was not good enough for me. I told them that I would not talk to her about it and it is her business who she dates, not theirs. Tonight, my friend and I went out to dinner before she leaves for Germany and we were talking about moving and I asked how soccer was on Tuesday. She said that the Girlfriend had been in rare form and made the night really uncomfortable and akward for her. I wasn't sure what all she knew so I told her what had been happening at the house between the roommate and her (the fights not the dinner convo) and she said that wasn't it. She told me that the Girlfriend came up to her and asked her if she was still seeing this guy and my friend said yes. The Girlfriend then tells her, " Don't worry, I have some boys lined up so that we can fix this." My friend was taken aback and said she did not know what to think because the Girlfriend isn't even her friend. I was livid. I told my friend that I was sorry that happened and filled her in on the dinner conversation that happened. I told her that I informed them that they needed to leave her alone and let her do what she wants to do. She was appreciative but obviously someone did not want to listen. She really did not know what to think of this. I told my friend that she needs to tell the Girlfriend so shut up and mind her own business. I also told her that they have done this to other people and to not let them meddle. They have been the cause of some of the waves that happened early in my own relationship and once my fiance put his foot down, things got better. I told her to date who she wants and I would support her as long as she was happy and safe. I also told her that if she needed back up against the Girlfriend that I would do so because that was out of line. I am not really sure why this matters to the Girlfriend anyway because she is leaving in a few weeks for 10 months to go and teach some where. She should work on her own life before trying to fix someone else life who isn't even her friend...

Just as it seems to be ending

I have about 30 hours left in preceptor and the hits just keep coming. So many unexpected things just came flying out of nowhere that I have no idea what to do with it anymore. At this point in time all I can do is walk in chin up and hope that I can do enough to undo whatever it was that was done. I will say I do have a new preceptor and so far she is rocking my socks off! I have a new goals list to make for my shift tomorrow night and I am just wondering how many of these things will she empower me to do?

I think after this month, I will not think of school for quite a while. I will do what is needed to pass my boards and then take a break from the insanity. I know they say that it will be harder to go back to school if you take a break and that is probably true. I need a break. 30 hours might not seem like that much but sometimes those hours are so jam packed and daunting that I would just like to walk out and go to sleep.

Graduation is coming up and I don't want to go. I walked at my high school graduation. I walked at my college graduation. I really have no desire to walk at this graduation. After three years of school mixed with a shifty nonsupportive outside system ( you know if this description DOES NOT APPLY TO YOU), I really feel no need to parade in front of a group of people that have no idea who I am and the ones who do, only a possible 4 out of the 5 who might attend actually are happy that I am finishing school. I have already been very vocal about no plans after graduation. This has not been listened to or considered in anyway shape or form by any person who was told. I can tell you that my mother, her mother (who I ever so sweetly informed if she wanted a party she could throw her own damn party), my sister, and my fiance all say at the end of the conversation, "Well, think about it and let me know what you want to do." I already stated that I do not want to do anything. I don't want a party. I do not want to go to the bar or have a celebratory dinner. I can not believe how difficult this could be to grasp. I think the one girl in my class made the best example for my case when she was telling us about her son who is graduating from high school and he did not want a party. Her immediate response to that statement (she informed us) is this, " I am your mother and I deserve a party." I can safely say that runs along the same lines as, " You shouldn't question why I want to invite someone to your wedding. I should just be able to send them an invite because they are my friend with no questions asked."

The move is coming up and the job hunt is at a stand still... I think I have come to terms with the fact that there is a good chance that I will not have a job when I graduate. I may not even have another interview until I pass my boards, which by the way is really killing me! I don't know how much longer a part time job that pays pebbles is going to cut it because it already is not. I hate not having the employment part of my future secured in the way that I want it to be secured but all I can do is submit more applications and wait.

Waiting with patience is not something I am very good at so I guess I am getting some much deserved practice.