Two more days until graduation. This means no more class for a while. No more clinical rotations and no more tests that make you want to rip your hair out, until boards that is. It does make you see how far you have come in some ways. I can safely say that I would never put myself through this again. The stress and expense needs to be worth it but only time will tell that one.
I still have over a week until we move. I can't say I am too excited about having to wait for that. Things have gotten really stressful for both of us and some of it I did not know, mostly because I was under my nursing school rock. Unfortunately it all came out in one big " Let's rip Kim apart for not doing/prioritizing the way I wanted her to after my roommate gets me wasted and she has JUST finished her preceptor ship from hell at 2am." I can safely say that this better not happen again. I can safely say that I was ready to go and sleep in my car because I felt like crap. I know where the stress is coming from and it is the house. Everything that is going on here in the background is getting dumped on my fiances and and then when it comes to talking with me about anything it becomes the straw that breaks the camel's back. I told him that I won't put up with it. There is no reason why this should even happen. Now, I am not saying stop caring about or listening to your friends but there is NO reason that you should be dragged into their crazy drama llama lives. That is pretty selfish of them.
I am ready to:
Be able to sit in a room other than a bedroom
Cook whenever I want
Have room in the fridge
Do laundry at the drop of a hat
Take a nap without people coming to the house screaming at the top of their lungs constantly
No dog hair everywhere
To have quiet time
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Thursday, June 21, 2012
One more shift, one more evlauation, one more ceremony
The end is officially a week away! Seven days from now I will have a cap, pin, diploma, and freedom (SWEET SWEET freedom!) The cap, pin, and ceremony I can do without but oh well. Today was mandatory graduation mass. I can safely say that church still makes me sweat and want to get up and flee the premises. I understand that I went to a catholic school but they push the religion thing way too far. I actually had the girl sitting next to me offended because I did not want a hymnal because I did not want to sing. Who are you to judge me, in the chapel of a catholic hospital none the less? I was sitting with two people from my original class and the three of us felt the same way, like outsiders. No matter how we may have tired, or not tried, we never really belonged to this class. We were just there to get this over with and finish what we started. Two of our other class members seem to have completely assimilated and fit in with this new class. That was good for them but we had to go to a brunch after mass and it was just odd. It felt like I walked in and sat down in the middle of a celebration for a group of people I did not even know. I did not participate in the superlatives because I did not know any names or any of the people who were in the room with me. This whole experience has been an odd roller coaster that I am more than happy to be off of. The fiance is also ready for this to be over. The lack of sleep, frustration, moods that can turn on a dime, long days, and the insanity that comes from having a part time job that does not even cut it will be finished and he can not wait.
As of now, there are plans to go out after graduation. I did not want to invite my parents but he seems to think that world war 5 will happen if they are not informed of the nights activities. I really do not want to celebrate with a bunch of people. I was just figuring that if people were going to be out or the two of us could just go out but he has decided that he wants this thing. If it is going to be like that, I only want people there who were supportive and understand what I have gone through and are proud of me for what I have done. None of the rest need to attend, which would be certain family members. I am actually half expecting for my grandparents to show up to this shindig uninvited because my mother has given them the information against all wished except for her own.
So I learned something interesting today and it made me quite upset. One of my friends, who happens to be one of my bridesmaids, is seeing a guy that plays soccer with our group of friends. A few weeks ago, my roommate's Girlfriend started talking about girls she had to set up with the guys of our group and then guys that she had for the girls. She made a comment about how someone needed to talk to my friend about who she was dating. As I was cooking I just listen to the conversation. The Girlfriend decided that my friend needs to start dating a specific person in the group. No offense to this guy but until he does something about a few things many girls will not date him. He is a nice funny guy but he needs to take care of himself and start to be responsible. All of a sudden the conversation turns to how they hate the guy she is seeing and want to get between them and have her with someone else just because they do not like him. I was really angry at this point in time. Then the Girlfriend says to me "You need to get on it talking to your friend about dating this person and not THAT person." I almost lost it on her. I replied " My friend is a big girl and can date whoever she wants. Besides, the people you are listing are not her type of guy from what I know so why don't you let her make her own choices." The reply of because we don't want this guy to be around all the time was not good enough for me. I told them that I would not talk to her about it and it is her business who she dates, not theirs. Tonight, my friend and I went out to dinner before she leaves for Germany and we were talking about moving and I asked how soccer was on Tuesday. She said that the Girlfriend had been in rare form and made the night really uncomfortable and akward for her. I wasn't sure what all she knew so I told her what had been happening at the house between the roommate and her (the fights not the dinner convo) and she said that wasn't it. She told me that the Girlfriend came up to her and asked her if she was still seeing this guy and my friend said yes. The Girlfriend then tells her, " Don't worry, I have some boys lined up so that we can fix this." My friend was taken aback and said she did not know what to think because the Girlfriend isn't even her friend. I was livid. I told my friend that I was sorry that happened and filled her in on the dinner conversation that happened. I told her that I informed them that they needed to leave her alone and let her do what she wants to do. She was appreciative but obviously someone did not want to listen. She really did not know what to think of this. I told my friend that she needs to tell the Girlfriend so shut up and mind her own business. I also told her that they have done this to other people and to not let them meddle. They have been the cause of some of the waves that happened early in my own relationship and once my fiance put his foot down, things got better. I told her to date who she wants and I would support her as long as she was happy and safe. I also told her that if she needed back up against the Girlfriend that I would do so because that was out of line. I am not really sure why this matters to the Girlfriend anyway because she is leaving in a few weeks for 10 months to go and teach some where. She should work on her own life before trying to fix someone else life who isn't even her friend...
As of now, there are plans to go out after graduation. I did not want to invite my parents but he seems to think that world war 5 will happen if they are not informed of the nights activities. I really do not want to celebrate with a bunch of people. I was just figuring that if people were going to be out or the two of us could just go out but he has decided that he wants this thing. If it is going to be like that, I only want people there who were supportive and understand what I have gone through and are proud of me for what I have done. None of the rest need to attend, which would be certain family members. I am actually half expecting for my grandparents to show up to this shindig uninvited because my mother has given them the information against all wished except for her own.
So I learned something interesting today and it made me quite upset. One of my friends, who happens to be one of my bridesmaids, is seeing a guy that plays soccer with our group of friends. A few weeks ago, my roommate's Girlfriend started talking about girls she had to set up with the guys of our group and then guys that she had for the girls. She made a comment about how someone needed to talk to my friend about who she was dating. As I was cooking I just listen to the conversation. The Girlfriend decided that my friend needs to start dating a specific person in the group. No offense to this guy but until he does something about a few things many girls will not date him. He is a nice funny guy but he needs to take care of himself and start to be responsible. All of a sudden the conversation turns to how they hate the guy she is seeing and want to get between them and have her with someone else just because they do not like him. I was really angry at this point in time. Then the Girlfriend says to me "You need to get on it talking to your friend about dating this person and not THAT person." I almost lost it on her. I replied " My friend is a big girl and can date whoever she wants. Besides, the people you are listing are not her type of guy from what I know so why don't you let her make her own choices." The reply of because we don't want this guy to be around all the time was not good enough for me. I told them that I would not talk to her about it and it is her business who she dates, not theirs. Tonight, my friend and I went out to dinner before she leaves for Germany and we were talking about moving and I asked how soccer was on Tuesday. She said that the Girlfriend had been in rare form and made the night really uncomfortable and akward for her. I wasn't sure what all she knew so I told her what had been happening at the house between the roommate and her (the fights not the dinner convo) and she said that wasn't it. She told me that the Girlfriend came up to her and asked her if she was still seeing this guy and my friend said yes. The Girlfriend then tells her, " Don't worry, I have some boys lined up so that we can fix this." My friend was taken aback and said she did not know what to think because the Girlfriend isn't even her friend. I was livid. I told my friend that I was sorry that happened and filled her in on the dinner conversation that happened. I told her that I informed them that they needed to leave her alone and let her do what she wants to do. She was appreciative but obviously someone did not want to listen. She really did not know what to think of this. I told my friend that she needs to tell the Girlfriend so shut up and mind her own business. I also told her that they have done this to other people and to not let them meddle. They have been the cause of some of the waves that happened early in my own relationship and once my fiance put his foot down, things got better. I told her to date who she wants and I would support her as long as she was happy and safe. I also told her that if she needed back up against the Girlfriend that I would do so because that was out of line. I am not really sure why this matters to the Girlfriend anyway because she is leaving in a few weeks for 10 months to go and teach some where. She should work on her own life before trying to fix someone else life who isn't even her friend...
Sunday, June 10, 2012
Just as it seems to be ending
I have about 30 hours left in preceptor and the hits just keep coming. So many unexpected things just came flying out of nowhere that I have no idea what to do with it anymore. At this point in time all I can do is walk in chin up and hope that I can do enough to undo whatever it was that was done. I will say I do have a new preceptor and so far she is rocking my socks off! I have a new goals list to make for my shift tomorrow night and I am just wondering how many of these things will she empower me to do?
I think after this month, I will not think of school for quite a while. I will do what is needed to pass my boards and then take a break from the insanity. I know they say that it will be harder to go back to school if you take a break and that is probably true. I need a break. 30 hours might not seem like that much but sometimes those hours are so jam packed and daunting that I would just like to walk out and go to sleep.
Graduation is coming up and I don't want to go. I walked at my high school graduation. I walked at my college graduation. I really have no desire to walk at this graduation. After three years of school mixed with a shifty nonsupportive outside system ( you know if this description DOES NOT APPLY TO YOU), I really feel no need to parade in front of a group of people that have no idea who I am and the ones who do, only a possible 4 out of the 5 who might attend actually are happy that I am finishing school. I have already been very vocal about no plans after graduation. This has not been listened to or considered in anyway shape or form by any person who was told. I can tell you that my mother, her mother (who I ever so sweetly informed if she wanted a party she could throw her own damn party), my sister, and my fiance all say at the end of the conversation, "Well, think about it and let me know what you want to do." I already stated that I do not want to do anything. I don't want a party. I do not want to go to the bar or have a celebratory dinner. I can not believe how difficult this could be to grasp. I think the one girl in my class made the best example for my case when she was telling us about her son who is graduating from high school and he did not want a party. Her immediate response to that statement (she informed us) is this, " I am your mother and I deserve a party." I can safely say that runs along the same lines as, " You shouldn't question why I want to invite someone to your wedding. I should just be able to send them an invite because they are my friend with no questions asked."
The move is coming up and the job hunt is at a stand still... I think I have come to terms with the fact that there is a good chance that I will not have a job when I graduate. I may not even have another interview until I pass my boards, which by the way is really killing me! I don't know how much longer a part time job that pays pebbles is going to cut it because it already is not. I hate not having the employment part of my future secured in the way that I want it to be secured but all I can do is submit more applications and wait.
Waiting with patience is not something I am very good at so I guess I am getting some much deserved practice.
I think after this month, I will not think of school for quite a while. I will do what is needed to pass my boards and then take a break from the insanity. I know they say that it will be harder to go back to school if you take a break and that is probably true. I need a break. 30 hours might not seem like that much but sometimes those hours are so jam packed and daunting that I would just like to walk out and go to sleep.
Graduation is coming up and I don't want to go. I walked at my high school graduation. I walked at my college graduation. I really have no desire to walk at this graduation. After three years of school mixed with a shifty nonsupportive outside system ( you know if this description DOES NOT APPLY TO YOU), I really feel no need to parade in front of a group of people that have no idea who I am and the ones who do, only a possible 4 out of the 5 who might attend actually are happy that I am finishing school. I have already been very vocal about no plans after graduation. This has not been listened to or considered in anyway shape or form by any person who was told. I can tell you that my mother, her mother (who I ever so sweetly informed if she wanted a party she could throw her own damn party), my sister, and my fiance all say at the end of the conversation, "Well, think about it and let me know what you want to do." I already stated that I do not want to do anything. I don't want a party. I do not want to go to the bar or have a celebratory dinner. I can not believe how difficult this could be to grasp. I think the one girl in my class made the best example for my case when she was telling us about her son who is graduating from high school and he did not want a party. Her immediate response to that statement (she informed us) is this, " I am your mother and I deserve a party." I can safely say that runs along the same lines as, " You shouldn't question why I want to invite someone to your wedding. I should just be able to send them an invite because they are my friend with no questions asked."
The move is coming up and the job hunt is at a stand still... I think I have come to terms with the fact that there is a good chance that I will not have a job when I graduate. I may not even have another interview until I pass my boards, which by the way is really killing me! I don't know how much longer a part time job that pays pebbles is going to cut it because it already is not. I hate not having the employment part of my future secured in the way that I want it to be secured but all I can do is submit more applications and wait.
Waiting with patience is not something I am very good at so I guess I am getting some much deserved practice.
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