The First Week on my Own

Orientation is now over! I had my first shift as a nurse yesterday. It was good, bad, ugly, and crazy all at once. One of the girls told me that she "made sure" that when the charge nurse made the assignments that the two of us were given easier assignments since it was our first shift on our own. I know that she meant well but the night shift is really no comparison to day shift in anyway. I walked in thinking "Oh, that was really nice of you to think about us," and it quickly turned into, "Even though you were trying to be helpful, your night assignment is the shittiest assignment for a first "On My Own" shift during the day." I had people going everywhere at all times and more surprise stat orders than you could feed a pig! On top of that, I had an urgent situation that kept me on my toes and one in my assignment that was not only monopolizing time but terrorizing other departments and messing around with equipment making life very unpleasant for everyone.  I some how made it. I may have left very very late but I did not end up cowering a corner crying while ripping out all my hair. My mentor (preceptor) and many of my coworkers said that I did a great job my first day on my own. Even the charge nurse who I had to ask for help escalating a situation said that I did a great job because "No body every knows unless they ask." It felt good that my co workers checked on me to see how my day was going and to make sure that I was okay. It was also nice to have a fellow orientee on their first day who helped me out and was going through the same thing right beside me.

Things are moving along pretty smoothly right now. Wedding planning is moving along. I ordered my dress on Saturday and it went more smoothly than I thought. My mother said that she wanted to see the dress before I ordered it and I automatically thought of what happened with my sister. She ended up not getting the dress that she wanted and shopping for a long time giving into all of my mother's "demands" while trying on dresses. Now, my sister did find a dress she loved but from where I was standing she was kind of brainwashed into getting a dress that my mother wanted her to get. Of course, she tried to get me to try on a lace dress and other dresses. Then she wanted me to try on belts, I hate belts. In the end, she tried to put a veil on me. I had enough at that point. She said that she likes the dress and we (Jenny, the sales lady, and I) kept her in control but she kept trying to "improve" everything. "Well, how are you doing your hair? Will you put ribbons in it? Why not? How about flowers? Why don't you want a belt? You should wear a veil, you know that right?" In the end the comment was, " You might be thinking simple and that is not "BAD" but you are going to look too plain." I can safely say that I will not be wearing a veil or a belt because I like my dress and I think that she needs to back off. At lunch, she told me that I need to choose more "traditional" music. I don't like traditional wedding music, so I will not be letting her in on anymore planning. I just get annoyed because she does not realize that she wants me to do things that I don't like.

She is still pushing to meet with Marc's parents. He said it is not going to happen but she keeps nagging me about it. Like I can make his parents go to dinner with you because you feel the need to give them duties and plan out what you are wearing for the wedding. FYI, I can't. She is just going to have to deal. She is also pushing me to apologize and "make up" with her mother. She keeps telling me "You need to fix things by Christmas." She gives me this guilt trip every time and every time it just reminds me how she thinks that her mother calling me stupid, undeserving, and a horrible person is my fault and that the second time it happened she told me I was a horrible person and that I ruined Christmas for everyone. She seriously thinks that I am in the wrong and that I am at fault for everything. She also thinks that I made up the fact that her mother called me all those things and the second time smacked me in the face when she was in the room to hear AND my FATHER told her it happened. She only thinks of herself and what is good for her. She put her self in the middle of this and "it made her so sick" that she "couldn't eat" knowing that there was a "rift"  and that I had hurt her mother. She never asked ever about me. She just yells at me and insists that I need to fix all the harm that I have done. Apparently, the fact that I don't come to family events and avoid all of them at all costs has not made it cross her mind that I don't care about repairing a relationship with this woman. It is sad because I miss the rest of my family but unfortunately no one crosses her.  Until my mother gets her nose out of it and realizes that she hurt me as well by calling me a liar and telling me everything is my fault, I really don't want to see her or them. I can safely say that I don't think about any of unless she brings it up, which pulls me out of my beautiful world that had been being built quite nicely with someone else!

Keeping my chin up and my thoughts positive because being on my own at work will be rough and the wedding planning will be crazy but I have people that I love and who are great all around. The support system that I have formed outside has been almost a dream!

Going From the Inbetween to the New Normal

It is the halfway point! I am three weeks into orientation and three weeks away from dealing with patients, families, doctors, and the regular shit storms that follow on my own. I think I can handle the patients and the families but the doctors have become probably the most "delicate" group to work with in the list. I think that they will be the most challenging to deal with because even if you have all the information, a pretty sizable portion of them have no problem ripping a nurse a new orifice because they have to call them to clarify an order that makes no sense or is dangerous for the patient. The floor is busy I think just about everyday I have had a person (if not more than one) make the day a complete bubble of insanity. I have been lucky because my preceptor is amazing and does not get mad and yell at me when I tell her I don't know this step or this is as far as I can take this because I do not know where to go from here. She uses it as a teaching moment and then we work through it together.

There have been perks to this new job. I finally have a paycheck in which my life can be comfortably lived. I am no longer working two jobs or one job to the bones of my fingers just to be able to go to the grocery store and put gas in my car. Now, don't get me wrong, my job is crazy busy and I don't think a nurse ever really just gets to stand around or even sit for more than a few seconds without something popping up. Everything is earned.

On a funnier note, I decided to get a new phone. I am way over due for one and I can afford it. I went to just shop around because there was one that I had my eye on. While I was looking through my options at the store, I some how managed to, while bringing my arm down to my side, drop/launch my phone on to the platform of the wall display. I managed to shatter my current phone into three pieces, plus the battery. The sales person then stated, "I think you maybe one of those people that require an otterbox so that your phone survives more than an hour...." I really did not take offense to that because it seemed to be true at that moment. It is a good thing that I decided to get a new phone because when he tried to transfer my contacts it wouldn't work. It seems that I managed to damage the data/charging port of my phone in the drop/launch.

The apartment is lovely!!! I still am spreading out way too much, lol! I am not sure how he puts up with it because I can safely say I have decorated the living room with all of the things I use on a regular basis this weekend. I have to make sure to clean it all up.

The wedding planning is going well. The printer and I have set a plan to have a final invitation printed and packaged for purchase by November 20th. If we have them this early it will be easier in the future. He has been slightly freaking out because he was thinking that the big stuff was going to be the issues but he is now more worried about the millions of little things that are involved in the planning. It is good that we are a head of schedule so we will get to the small nitty gritty things faster then we need to but they will be a lot of things that if they are left until the last second they will be forgotten.

The beginning

It has started. I am three (?) weeks into a 6 week orientation phase and I feel that it is so far so good. I am getting used to the unit and increasing my patient load one week at a time. Yesterday, I started my week of three patients per shift. This new number might take the whole week to get used to. I felt good about the situation and I felt like I did what I was supposed to do but I had a BUSY assignment. It was one of those shifts where it takes you over twenty minuets to get out of a room, and it has nothing to do with the tasks that need to be preformed. I did however have my first (current) taste of overtly aggressive people. I have had this happen before but this was the worst ever and I actually started walking out of the room when this would happen. It may not be the best way to handle things but it was better than yelling.

My preceptor is pretty nice. She is really laid back but we have a meeting at the start of shift, our breaks and at the end of the night. This gives us time to catch up and get on the same page. So far, she said that I am doing great but that it will be easier to judge what I need to work on/improve when my patient load gets higher. I can understand that. I know that I told her last night that I was feeling a little frazzled because of the assignment but I knew that I needed to be introduced to it sooner rather than later. I really appreciated that she did this on a weekend because it was not as busy. She does things that makes sense I can agree with that. 

Getting back on track at the gym has been rough. My schedule rotates days and nights so it is kind of rough to get my body back into the swing of things or into a swing that I can keep up. Since it rotates, I don't have certain days off every week and I do not get the same shifts every week. Making a schedule and sticking to it is a little hard. I am still only able to walk on a flat treadmill which is the worst workout ever. I need to find a way to spice it up. Some weight training would be good but every time I am done one the treadmill I just want to shower and leave, no matter how pathetic the workout was. The gym is just set up so weird. When I was running outside I would come in and to arms and abs no problem. When I finally get cleared to run outside again, I am going to have to invest in some cold gear just to get in a good run. I will still use the gym for weights but the cardio outdoors seems to suit me better.

I still wonder if I made the right job decision... I don't think I will ever know but I have to go through all the steps to find out.

The beginning has begun

I am officially an employed RN! I went through the painstakingly tedious orientation that dealt with the benefits and history of the company. It is the second time that I have experienced this particular part of orientation but we must do what we need to do.  After that it was a week of classroom work and presentations to learn the policies and procedures of the specific hospital that I am working at. This is not so bad but it is just as tough to sit through 8 hour days now as it was for nursing school classes. The big difference is that I was getting paid to do one and not the other. Friday was my first day on the unit. It was really a day to learn where everything is located and to get the feel of how things flow. I can safely say that my unit will not be boring! My preceptor so far is pretty awesome. She laid out the plan to get me up to speed with being on the floor and I am agreeable to it. I am actually really happy with who they placed me with because she seems to be pretty open about how everything is going to go and she seems to be someone who will be a constructive teacher. I still really wish that I would be in the critical care units or in the emergency department but this will be a good place to get in and get my feet wet. Many people have told me that the floor that I am starting on will be a good stepping stone to either place later on. So I think that I will have to make a plan and see where I want to go in the next year or two. I know that I want to start back to school after about a year off and just working. This way, I will have at least half of the tuition forgiveness taken care of and a year of experience that is uninterrupted and concentrated under my belt. As for school, it will be a choice between RN to BSN or RN to MSN. Both programs will take about the same time but one will take me to just a bachelor's and the other will take me to master's (rolling my bachelor's degree in along the way). I guess when the time comes it just depends on how many degrees I want to have. I figure that I might as well go with the RN to MSN because I will end up with more at the end of the same time period.

This Saturday marked a BIG milestone for me, despite how small it seems to everyone else. I am FINALLY working only one job for an extended period of time (and possibly for the rest of time!). I am not long on the management team at White House Black Market and it feels good to not have to go into work on my day off. The stress of dealing with a person being promoted to a position that she can't handle and everything that was being piled on top of that is great to be free from! I know that another person of the management team is also leaving. She found a position that will make her much happier and give her a better schedule in life. I am really proud of her because I know that she was really unhappy with where she was in the company and how she was being treated. Our district manager even admitted that she did not have a "fair shake" with the company. I know that the store manager is not happy with they way things are going. She is in panic mode right now. Half of her management team has jumped ship in two weeks and right now there is a HUGE possibility that the other sales lead will be leaving as well. I am hoping that she gets through her interview and gets to interview with the district manager. She is being passed over for a promotion to assistant store manager. She has been told that she needs to post an add on craig's list for a new ASM. I know she is angry and I would be too. I think that a new job with a new company would be good for her. She needs to go somewhere that the company is not against them just because of the store they are working in. I started to see this when I first started working there. I had been promoted for about a week or two and I felt very pushed to the side and always berated even for my best efforts. Making numbers and big accomplishments were never a reason to celebrate because they were not as great as if another store had done the same thing. We never got credit for doing amazing things that never happened in our store.

Tomorrow will be me second day on the floor as long as we don't have class. As far as we know, our whole orientation class, is under the impression that we will be on the floor on tomorrow so that is where I will show up. I do have to talk to our unit manager about some schedule conflicts for the classes that I am scheduled for this month.

There is stress but it is a different kind of stress.

Leaving the old and starting the new

Tomorrow is orientation for the hospital system I will be working for. I will be sitting through an orientation day from 730am to 5pm. That is a very very long day. I have done this once before and can safely say I may just fall asleep for part of it. After tomorrow, I will be at the hospital that I will be stationed at for the rest of time. I am still questioning whether the money was worth it but I guess we will see soon enough.

In the same step, I am only one week away from being out of retail. This means that I may not be living paycheck to paycheck anymore. My work hours will still be quite insane. They will be rotating shifts and I will have to work holidays but I am already used to never having weekends or holidays, ever in my lifetime.  I know that with this field of work that I will never have these days off until I am about, oh say 90 and dead, but I guess that it would be worth it. I am hoping that this will make affording life and a wedding much easier than it currently is. Leaving retail will be one of the best things ever! I have been there way too long and have dealt with too many stupid things that I can't believe even happen half the time.

It also looks as though I am getting out at just the right time. On my heels, Sam is leaving as well. She is waiting for her job acceptance letter and some specifics before she submits her 2 week notice but as of this morning she is still set on leaving. After she (and the rest of us) found out that the plans for the store were not going to pan out as they were told to us and our store manager who was leaving, things got really really bad. There was a really shady plan going on and they brought in an ASM from another store to see if she is ready to get a store of her own.  Not cool. Sam has not been happy and I don't blame her. This person that they brought in has no idea what she is doing. She has not hired any new associates, delegates tasks to people who do not get compensated for these tasks, offends customers and sales staff, and she is very poorly organized. There is much much more of her incompetence than can fit on a blog. On top of this, her private life is interrupting the functioning of the store on an everyday basis even when she is not there. These are not the traits of a good or competent leader. Half of her management team is leaving with just the two of us finding other jobs. She is going to shit her self and freak out when Sam gives her notice. This is going to leave her without resources and a team to do her work for her. She is going to have to do it herself, which will never happen. Her store manager at another store that she still reports to and the DM think that she is behind everything, even when she and I sign something. I am hoping that they wise up and see that this was a horrible move on their part. I know that the DM does not like our store in any way shape or form but the way she acts towards us is really just belittling and unprofessional. I feel as though these girls that I am working with are not getting the recognition they deserve for the jobs that they are doing and that needs to change. I am hoping that two members of the management team leaving and a third trying desperately to get out wave a HUGE red flag that something it wrong.

To be getting out at the right time is good. To be taking a step in the right direction is amazing. The new is scary but it can be done.

Moving on Moving on

It is getting close to move on in the job world. I have accepted a nursing position and will be starting at the end of the month. It is not my dream job but it could be much worse. I have either six months or a year if I decide that I want to transfer. I am hoping to be able to spend at least a year to two years on this floor and then move on to critical care or emergency nursing. I have to start somewhere.

It is only Tuesday and I am not sure how well I will survive this week, let alone the next few. This new stretch assignment assistant manager that we have been surprised with is not going well at all. She is being the face of the manager at another store in the district. I am not a fan of how she thinks that if a person does not buy something, the sales team did something wrong. I can safely say that people really do walk into our store just to waste time and browse. We can only control so much but this whole world of behaviors and ambushing is really starting to get to me. I think it is getting to me way faster than it did at my other store because this woman is up in my face. She does not think/act like any one on our store team knows what they are doing at all. We have one girl who has a bonus sale almost every time she works and this woman is wondering why the sales associate is looking at her like she has three heads (that she would like to chop off) when she is asking her "What did you do wrong? What behavior should you be utilizing?" blah blah blah.  I look at the woman like she has three heads because even though I took a break from the company, I think I still out rank her in years of service... That is sad. I don't know why this woman is on the path to get her own store because today, I has to deal with screwed up registers and insanity. I had an issue even opening the registers because this super genius closed all the empty register drawers with the key in the register...Smooth. She apparently has the extra key and if she were not there this morning, I would have had a hell of a time trying to open the registers, without the bank, let alone the store. So, I finally get the registers open and what do you know, register two is short a dollar. All the paper work from the night before says that the register was closed even and with a deposit. I was really unhappy not to find the dollar that was missing. I was happy to find that he did not mix up the register bags like she almost did the one night.She is just a wreck and none of us have any respect for her as a boss because she has shown us sooo many times that she can't handle it. She has no communication skills and is like a puppy that needs Ritalin.

On other notes in life, I have not been running or going to the gym. Sadly, I have to get my foot checked out because it hurts to wear regular shoes. I have no clue what I did to my foot but it does not seem to be good. I wore some new not really broken in shoes to a wedding in mid August and thought that this was the issue. I was hoping it was just a bruise and nothing more. I kept running and working out at the gym and it just continued to get worse. It was starting to get better for a while and then it flared up again. I am hoping that it is not a break of any kind. Broken feet are not fun. I am also hoping that it is not anything that will require any sort of surgery because with starting a new job, getting married, and just trying to stay sane there is no time for surgery and the recovery period that comes along with it. I am hoping that the worst thing that happens is that they boot me for a while. The best would be just a bruise and I can get back to running.

without getting trampled on or taken advantage of

I am not sure how much longer I am going to be able to run on all engines without all the supplies I need... I feel like I am always at work ( I understand that is mostly my doing) but how is a person supposed to not be homeless without a paycheck?? It has been confirmed that I have done more than my fair share of schedule manipulation and extra hours to help out at work and get things to where they need be, but some how people seem to think that I am not doing ANYTHING to aid the store. Just this past week, the other person in the same level position as me, found out that I was switched to an opening shift because the spot needed to be filled so that the store could be opened for the day and this caused an open spot in the evening. We called a new associate to see if she would be able to fill in but the answer was no. We also had three potential new associates that would be able to fill the gap but, one was not in the system, another not going to be working for another week, and the third decided that she was not coming to work for us anymore. The two other associates that are barely ever at the store were called and both declined to come in and one girl tired to trade a shift (??)! All I heard about the rest of the night was how SHE was going to have to work ALL day, blah blah blah. In between the bitching and moaning I kept hearing, "Unless you want to work a split shift... You can work a split shift!" which was followed quickly with "No, I can not work a split shift" in an increasingly annoyed tone.  Needless to say, the other girl ended up working the double shift with an attitude of a 5 year old (with tantums to match) along with complaints of how she doesn't have a enough hours so that she can pay her bills. Answer me this, if a double shift falls into your lap when you can't pay your rent WHY would you try to give it away and complain about working it when you KNOW you need the money?! I was more than done for the night. I also did her a favor when she asked and she became extremely angry with me and started to cry...Yeah... then she expected me to drive her home after she refused to talk to me and was basically a brat! When I said no, she turned and ran away from me and the next day proceeded to tell the assistant store manager that I hate her and that I really did not have anywhere to go that night. I can not wait to get out of retail. I like the store and I really like my assistant store manager but I can not deal with this girl much longer. Last night she was getting upset because I had a bonus sale and she did not. It just feels like such a drain to have to bring the attitude and moral of the store up all by yourself and it is twice as hard when she starts to get like this. I saw something last night and was informed by this girl that she did something that I found really shady and I don't know what to do about it. If anything is off I will know why and I will be going to the assistant.

I am still going after nursing positions but so far nothing. I am hoping to hear from at least one of two positions this coming week and then I am also hoping to get a call back for an interview that could be my dream job... I had a phone screening/interview yesterday as I was driving to the store. I am hoping that this HR office calls me in because it would be possibly the ultimate thing for me to at least even get an interview. I am hoping that my answers were appropriate but I didn't realize how much I struggled in school with work and all until I had to tell them everything over the phone. I can safely say that I have never been fired from a job but the hostess job I had and was never told that I was no longer working there does look VERY sketchy but I hope that ignore that.

The wedding plans are going. I found my dress! As soon as I have the time and I clear down somethings, I will be getting measured and placing the order! My mom wants to see the dress and I am okay with that but she is only seeing it when I go to get measured. My one sister made the mistake of  taking her to see the dress when she was still looking and ended up leaving behind the dress she fell in love with and going on a wild goose chase for another dress. That is not to say that she did not find another dress that she loved but she let someone talk her out of it and I don't want that and I will not tolerate it. My mom seems to think that we all need to try on bridal gowns and then MUST try on a lace dress. Not sure what her obsession is with lace but I am not in the position to spend that kind of money and I love this dress. It is perfect for the venue and fits exactly what I want. I am the one that has to wear it not her so I will see how truthful her comments were when she said she likes the dress BUT still wants to see it BEFORE I buy it....

Can there be a break soon?

I can safely say that it has been quite a few weeks since I have had a spare second to do anything that was not work related. After being at WHBM for a few weeks, I accepted a promotion as a part time member of the management team. Although the position is part time I am working closer to full time hours. Don't get me wrong, the reward is better than not working or working at Scrubology but I just don't feel like there is enough time to get anything done! I was finally able to get to the gym for the second time in 2 weeks. That is not like me at all. I am usually there about two or three times a week and switch it off with running the other days. I have been closing the store down a lot so that does not leave a lot of time after work to go for a run. Plus, I am really not a twilight runner. It kind of creeps me out. I know that as long as I am doing something that is better than nothing but I still need to find a way to challenge myself with the workouts or else I won't be getting much out of them.

Work is going well. We are having a bit of a rough segment right now. There are some changes going on with in the store that are causing some upheaval (not bad like an uprising but enough to cause some issues) and it is having an effect on the store. Some of our people are getting discouraged more easily than others and it is showing on their faces and in their work. It is getting a little harder each time to try and not only pull them out  the funk but to bring everything out of the funk is getting harder to do as well. Hopefully, this transition will become easier despite it being rough.

I took my boards and I passed! I was soo excited when that license popped up in the state website the next morning! I no longer have to worry about if I will pass or not and how that will affect everything else in my life. I think the fact that I am at a job that will pay the bills and keep me in a good place (and look good on my resume) kept a lot of the pressure off of me when I went in to take the exam. I think that if I had been using my TPP (a waste of $35 since I never used it) I would have been a lot more on edge and anxious than I was. I also took the test in Morgantown. I know what most people are thinking, "Why would taking the test in another state and a city you don't live in help you..?"  It just so happens that the Morgantown testing site had an appointment with in the time frame I was looking to take the test. If I would have settled for a date in Pittsburgh I would still be waiting to take the exam (and probably ripping my hair out). I also was more familiar with the area in Morgantown. After doing my undergrad there I knew exactly where the testing site was and how to get there. It couldn't have been better! We stayed in the same hotel we stayed in a few years ago for a friend's wedding. It was still a very nice and affordable place. I was able to get a good night sleep and feel confident about getting to my test on time. I was very happy with how the day went.

The wedding plans that are going very swimmingly right now! I made a great move and a huge mistake at the same time. I saw a dress through the window of the BCBG store near my store. From outside it looked like it was just an all white strapless dress. I figured I would go in one day and check it out and possibly try it on. I went in the other day after work and it turns out that the dress has a black little sash around it but other than that it was a simple strapless chiffon gown. It is beautiful and simple, just what I am looking for! I tried it on and it fit almost perfectly. I feel like the top may have been a little tight but they said that it would stretch as I wore it. Also the hem was a little long.  One of my bridesmaids has agreed to go to the only dress shop that seems to have the other dress I have my eye on to physically see it and try it on and then head to BCBG to see the dress there. I would really just buy the dress at BCBG but I don't want to be thinking, what if I would have had the chance to try on the other dress?? I have been looking at this dress for months on the J.Crew site and I really just feel like I need to see it and try it on before I go and buy another dress. I know that sounds silly but it is true. I don't need "dress what if" while planning a wedding!

Hopefully this will all pan out the way that it is supposed to. I just hope that everything continues to go smoothly and that the kinks get worked out accordingly.

So, if I am here, When am I getting there...?

Things are moving. Some seem to be going at the never ending sail pace of life and other are flying by that I barely realize that they actually happened! I feel like we have been in our new place for more than just a month! It seems like that but in a good way. We are all settled in but we are still finding that we need some little things.

Lately, I have been trying to be more social than normal and I kind of like it. I hate to say it but I can be quite the homebody. I really do love nothing more than to curl up with a book or to go outside with book and just get lost. One of my friend's sister (well she is my friend as well) is moving down south to go to grad school. Even though I was unable to go out to the club with them, it was really nice to just hang out with some really fun people that I have not been able to see in a while. We have also been to the movies in the park. We saw The Muppets last Sunday and this Sunday, I for sure, and going to have the viewing pleasure of The Temple of Doom. Movies in the park just happen to be a free event that I forgot to take advantage of this summer. I will need to remember this for next summer for my weekends off.

The wedding planning is still up to par but we need to get on the planning train again before we get behind. The Save The Dates are in the process of being printed so they will be sent out in a month or two. We are trying to get the DJ booked with in the next week or two so that all of our big vendors are off the list of things to do. I have not made a decision on what I want to do about flowers. We are not using them for center pieces but I know that we will probably need then for the bouquets and the guys but other than that I will NOT be getting any corsages or flowers for mothers, grandmothers, ect. There is not need to add that uselessness into our budget.

On the job front, I am working retail again. So far it is working out and I have a fall back in case this whole nursing thing does not pan out in real life time. For the nursing front, so far mostly only rejections. I did have an interview this past week but I am not really going to get my hopes up to high. By the end, I felt like it went really well but I also thought that my other three interviews went well and I ended up not getting the job(s). Hopefully I will get something soon. I will not be counting my chickens until they have hatched!

Also on the nursing front....The boards. They will be coming up in a little over a week! YIKES!! Right now, I just have to make sure I keep preparing for them and keep my spirits up. As long as I keep doing these prep questions I think I will be okay. I am actually going out of town to take the test. Where I am going it not that far but it was the only testing center that came up with a date closer than September! What is really funny is that the testing center is in Morgantown, where I went to University, and it just so happens that I know where the testing center is and could find it more easily than any other testing centers here (Where I LIVE)!! So I decided that it would be worth it take the adventure back to my old home and take my boards there. I did well on all my finals so why not my boards as well! I think I may need some Boston Beanery after my exam... or maybe some Black Bear Burrito....

Surviving the job hunt, the random jobs inbetween, and wedding planning

So, after losing my job about a week ago I accepted another position with a retail company that I worked for before. I had a choice between working for this branch of the retail company or work for another retail company but in the same realm of clothing as the other store. I accepted the position because if this nursing job hunt never pops up, I may possibly move into management. It is not the way I want to go because I did not go to school for it but I will at least be able to survive and pay bills with this job.

The nursing job hunt has brought about nothing. I never thought that finding a job after school would be this rough, especially with having to be with this place for 2 years to pay for school. Job placement has been a huge joke of an assistance so I don't really know what to do at this point besides to sit and wait until I take my boards. There really is nothing else I can do and it is driving me nuts.

Wedding planning, so far, has been smooth. The next things that we are going to work on are the DJ and the shuttle service for after the reception. We have all the other big stuff so we are going to be moving on to the small stuff. The DJ is the last "big" thing that we would need for the reception. The wedding party has been picked and the best man had been picked. I am waiting to see what happens with some other events (outside of the wedding) to pick the maid of honor. I don't want to pick someone who is going to be far away from the city and have them be responsible for planning and attending every event, help me with dress stuff, and possibly some decisions.

The guest list is getting the final touches for the family and right now I am trying to be patient with my mother. Yesterday, she called me about a message I sent her asking to review the list and make sure that there are no family members that MIGHT need to be added to the list. After talking to her about people that were on there and should be on there, she tells me, "Well, I wasn't going to invite the Medinas because you don't know them and they don't know you."  I was immediately confused because I can place a face with all of the names that she named and one of them was my confirmation sponsor. I was really appalled that she was not going to invite my dad's family. So I may be adding some names to the list. After that discussion, she then tells me, " Since you are keeping this small I think that you should either just have two small showers, one small shower, or I will just give you money so that you can buy whatever you want." My reply was that I am okay with a small shower. She then says, "Well, I don't really want to make any big announcements/ call outs for the shower because I really don't think it is worth my sisters and family coming in for the shower when the families are so far apart." This is where I have an issue because my brother in-law's family is from the same exact area as my finance's family. I am not sure who moved but everyone is still in the same place. This is the thing that kills me. She is annoyed that we picked our venue, bridal party, wedding date, and have guest list power without her. My fiance and I are paying for this wedding on our own and that means that we have the final say in just about everything, if not everything. I am really upset about this because she doesn't think that we aren't worth sending out a piece of paper to her family to invite them to a bridal shower. Right now, I feel like if my maid of honor plans a shower that she won't be involved in any of it unless she wants to be a guest. My fiance did not really understand my frustration with being told that my mother doesn't want to WASTE the time and energy to help plan a bridal shower let alone WASTE her family's time by inviting them to such an event. I really feel like we should just go to the justice of the peace and then have the reception next year at the Barn and not tell anyone. These past few years have been the least supported by my family (namely my mother and her family) so this makes me feel like they shouldn't be there.

Any ideas on how to keep this drama to a no boil and not let it go to a full boil?

Long abscences = time crunches and insanity

So school is finally over! My time is spent prepping for boards, searching for a nursing job, getting set up in the new apartment, and trying to find a steady job in the mean time. With everything that has been going on I completely forgot about a number of things and some of them just happened to be important things. They are slowly getting crossed off the list.

The move into the new apartment went smoothly. Even though my sister bitched and moaned about the heat, that was really the only low point. We had more than enough people come out to help move our furniture and eat lunch with us. Our one friend set up our internet after the MASSIVE failure of a Comcast tech that was sent here. He couldn't figure out how to work my laptop or the fact that he needed to connect everything to the router as well...Yeah, epic fail. Since then we have just been getting everything set up and getting all the little things that we didn't think about. Our most recent addition to the apartment a very nice round dining room table. It is a glass top and has 4 chairs. It fits nicely in the far corner of the living room. He now wants place mats for the table to protect it from food and people.

There is more news other than the new apartment. I found out on Tuesday that I lost my job while I was on my way to work. The only warning that I had was to call my DM at 1pm. She called me at 1130 and told me about the new DM and districts and how they no longer are utilizing part time employees, effective immediately. So, there I was driving to a job that no longer existed with out a pay check wasting gas. All I could think about was "Yay, no more scrubs and walking in circles!" Then I started thinking, "I have no pay check which means I have no money..." Even though it was a pitiful excuse for a pay check it was still income. Maybe three hours later, I had on some freshly ironed pants and shirt, freshly printed resumes in hand, and dress shoes on hoofing it around South Side Works looking for a job. I was offered two interviews for the next day and then two job offers on the spot. I took the second offer but until I actually start working there I will not know if I made a mistake in my choice or not. I kind of feel like I did even though the advice I received was very sounds and made a lot of sense. I really am just questioning if going for the resume building possibilities and the extremely slightly hire starting salary was really better than going for the Store Manager that has had employees in nursing school/prepping to take their boards and understands what they are going through. Only time will tell.

The job search is also yielding ZERO results or offers for nursing positions. I have until the end of September to be offered a position and accept it for the tuition forgiveness program to kick in. Even though that is still a little over two months, all I can think is "It is ONLY A LITTLE OVER TWO MONTHS!!" I am planning to take my exam at the end of August. Right now prep is going okay. I want my scores to get a little more steady in the 70's before I schedule my exam. I will see where I am in two weeks and if they are better then I will schedule for the end of August and if not, I will schedule for September. I know that the school is really big on students taking their boards ASAP but they are also really harsh on us about passing the first time. I would rather not pay another two hundred dollars to take a test but I also know that the school cares more about their numbers than anything else.

Other than those few set backs, everything else has been really good for us. We have the apartment pretty much set up the way we want it and are getting settled quite nicely. This was a great apartment to chose  for our first place. It is smaller than a house but it is bigger than the area we had in the house and the other apartments that we looked at. We do have one really loud neighbor but I will get over that. The running route that has come with the new place is pretty awesome. The loft that we have gives us more space because he can have his office up there and it is not taking up the extra space that we have in the living room. Now, if I could just find a place for my nursing books it would be perfect!

2 more days of one thing and many more days of another

Two more days until graduation. This means no more class for a while. No more clinical rotations and no more tests that make you want to rip your hair out, until boards that is. It does make you see how far you have come in some ways. I can safely say that I would never put myself through this again. The stress and expense needs to be worth it but only time will tell that one.

I still have over a week until we move. I can't say I am too excited about having to wait for that. Things have gotten really stressful for both of us and some of it I did not know, mostly because I was under my nursing school rock. Unfortunately it all came out in one big " Let's rip Kim apart for not doing/prioritizing the way I wanted her to after my roommate gets me wasted and she has JUST finished her preceptor ship from hell at 2am." I can safely say that this better not happen again. I can safely say that I was ready to go and sleep in my car because I felt like crap. I know where the stress is coming from and it is the house. Everything that is going on here in the background is getting dumped on my fiances and and then when it comes to talking with me about anything it becomes the straw that breaks the camel's back. I told him that I won't put up with it. There is no reason why this should even happen. Now, I am not saying stop caring about or listening to your friends but there is NO reason that you should be dragged into their crazy drama llama lives. That is pretty selfish of them.

I am ready to:
Be able to sit in a room other than a bedroom
Cook whenever I want
Have room in the fridge
Do laundry at the drop of a hat
Take a nap without people coming to the house screaming at the top of their lungs constantly
No dog hair everywhere
To have quiet time

One more shift, one more evlauation, one more ceremony

The end is officially a week away! Seven days from now I will have a cap, pin, diploma, and freedom (SWEET SWEET freedom!) The cap, pin, and ceremony I can do without but oh well. Today was mandatory graduation mass. I can safely say that church still makes me sweat and want to get up and flee the premises. I understand that I went to a catholic school but they push the religion thing way too far. I actually had the girl sitting next to me offended because I did not want a hymnal because I did not want to sing. Who are you to judge me, in the chapel of a catholic hospital none the less? I was sitting with two people from my original class and the three of us felt the same way, like outsiders. No matter how we may have tired, or not tried, we never really belonged to this class. We were just there to get this over with and finish what we started. Two of our other class members seem to have completely assimilated and fit in with this new class. That was good for them but we had to go to a brunch after mass and it was just odd. It felt like I walked in and sat down in the middle of a celebration for a group of people I did not even know. I did not participate in the superlatives because I did not know any names or any of the people who were in the room with me. This whole experience has been an odd roller coaster that I am more than happy to be off of.  The fiance is also ready for this to be over. The lack of sleep, frustration, moods that can turn on a dime, long days, and the insanity that comes from having a part time job that does not even cut it will be finished and he can not wait.

As of now, there are plans to go out after graduation. I did not want to invite my parents but he seems to think that world war 5 will happen if they are not informed of the nights activities. I really do not want to celebrate with a bunch of people. I was just figuring that if people were going to be out or the two of us could just go out but he has decided that he wants this thing. If it is going to be like that, I only want people there who were supportive and understand what I have gone through and are proud of me for what I have done. None of the rest need to attend, which would be certain family members. I am actually half expecting for my grandparents to show up to this shindig uninvited because my mother has given them the information against all wished except for her own.

So I learned something interesting today and it made me quite upset. One of my friends, who happens to be one of my bridesmaids, is seeing a guy that plays soccer with our group of friends. A few weeks ago, my roommate's Girlfriend started talking about girls she had to set up with the guys of our group and then guys that she had for the girls. She made a comment about how someone needed to talk to my friend about who she was dating. As I was cooking I just listen to the conversation. The Girlfriend decided that my friend needs to start dating a specific person in the group. No offense to this guy but until he does something about a few things many girls will not date him. He is a nice funny guy but he needs to take care of himself and start to be responsible. All of a sudden the conversation turns to how they hate the guy she is seeing and want to get between them and have her with someone else just because they do not like him. I was really angry at this point in time. Then the Girlfriend says to me "You need to get on it talking to your friend about dating this person and not THAT person." I almost lost it on her. I replied " My friend is a big girl and can date whoever she wants. Besides, the people you are listing are not her type of guy from what I know so why don't you let her make her own choices." The reply of because we don't want this guy to be around all the time was not good enough for me. I told them that I would not talk to her about it and it is her business who she dates, not theirs. Tonight, my friend and I went out to dinner before she leaves for Germany and we were talking about moving and I asked how soccer was on Tuesday. She said that the Girlfriend had been in rare form and made the night really uncomfortable and akward for her. I wasn't sure what all she knew so I told her what had been happening at the house between the roommate and her (the fights not the dinner convo) and she said that wasn't it. She told me that the Girlfriend came up to her and asked her if she was still seeing this guy and my friend said yes. The Girlfriend then tells her, " Don't worry, I have some boys lined up so that we can fix this." My friend was taken aback and said she did not know what to think because the Girlfriend isn't even her friend. I was livid. I told my friend that I was sorry that happened and filled her in on the dinner conversation that happened. I told her that I informed them that they needed to leave her alone and let her do what she wants to do. She was appreciative but obviously someone did not want to listen. She really did not know what to think of this. I told my friend that she needs to tell the Girlfriend so shut up and mind her own business. I also told her that they have done this to other people and to not let them meddle. They have been the cause of some of the waves that happened early in my own relationship and once my fiance put his foot down, things got better. I told her to date who she wants and I would support her as long as she was happy and safe. I also told her that if she needed back up against the Girlfriend that I would do so because that was out of line. I am not really sure why this matters to the Girlfriend anyway because she is leaving in a few weeks for 10 months to go and teach some where. She should work on her own life before trying to fix someone else life who isn't even her friend...

Just as it seems to be ending

I have about 30 hours left in preceptor and the hits just keep coming. So many unexpected things just came flying out of nowhere that I have no idea what to do with it anymore. At this point in time all I can do is walk in chin up and hope that I can do enough to undo whatever it was that was done. I will say I do have a new preceptor and so far she is rocking my socks off! I have a new goals list to make for my shift tomorrow night and I am just wondering how many of these things will she empower me to do?

I think after this month, I will not think of school for quite a while. I will do what is needed to pass my boards and then take a break from the insanity. I know they say that it will be harder to go back to school if you take a break and that is probably true. I need a break. 30 hours might not seem like that much but sometimes those hours are so jam packed and daunting that I would just like to walk out and go to sleep.

Graduation is coming up and I don't want to go. I walked at my high school graduation. I walked at my college graduation. I really have no desire to walk at this graduation. After three years of school mixed with a shifty nonsupportive outside system ( you know if this description DOES NOT APPLY TO YOU), I really feel no need to parade in front of a group of people that have no idea who I am and the ones who do, only a possible 4 out of the 5 who might attend actually are happy that I am finishing school. I have already been very vocal about no plans after graduation. This has not been listened to or considered in anyway shape or form by any person who was told. I can tell you that my mother, her mother (who I ever so sweetly informed if she wanted a party she could throw her own damn party), my sister, and my fiance all say at the end of the conversation, "Well, think about it and let me know what you want to do." I already stated that I do not want to do anything. I don't want a party. I do not want to go to the bar or have a celebratory dinner. I can not believe how difficult this could be to grasp. I think the one girl in my class made the best example for my case when she was telling us about her son who is graduating from high school and he did not want a party. Her immediate response to that statement (she informed us) is this, " I am your mother and I deserve a party." I can safely say that runs along the same lines as, " You shouldn't question why I want to invite someone to your wedding. I should just be able to send them an invite because they are my friend with no questions asked."

The move is coming up and the job hunt is at a stand still... I think I have come to terms with the fact that there is a good chance that I will not have a job when I graduate. I may not even have another interview until I pass my boards, which by the way is really killing me! I don't know how much longer a part time job that pays pebbles is going to cut it because it already is not. I hate not having the employment part of my future secured in the way that I want it to be secured but all I can do is submit more applications and wait.

Waiting with patience is not something I am very good at so I guess I am getting some much deserved practice.

No Moss Grows on a Rolling Stone

I think that everyone has a time when they feel like they do not have the chance to stop moving for even a split second. That is how I have felt for the past 4 weeks! I have six more weeks left at school and it seems to be flying by and dragging at the same time. On top of that the moving situation is getting clearer and hairier all in the same instant and then wedding just seems to be steam rolling along just fine.

This clinical is showing me what I really want but I can't help think, am I really getting the full experience? How much am I missing spending the majority of my days in the fast track area and only having one 20 minuet experience in the Trauma Bay? Spending time in a pod assignment, only for two hours for a few times in the past few weeks. Don't get me wrong, I am learning things but I feel like there is so much that I could be seeing and I am not. This was also pointed out to me by a fellow classmate who works in this clinical department. I have started to wonder in my head if this will prepare me for being a nurse on my own. Hearing, "It is too busy for me to let you do anything. Checking your charting and going back through everything just takes too much time," is a phrase that I am hearing a lot lately and I have kind of come to expect it. I a hoping that with this midterm evaluation coming up that I can see what my preceptor  actually thinks of me and where I stand in this whole situation.

The job hunt is still as barren as the Arctic Circle. Not a single phone call for an interview or job offer has been extended. I am starting to wonder how we are going to be able to afford to move and plan this wedding if I am unemployed. I am also trying to figure out how I am supposed to afford to take my boards when it costs more than three paychecks combined to register...Yeah... I have started to look for options outside of the nursing realm. Yes, I know this is not the best way to go but living off of a part time minimum wage job is not going to allow me to sleep with a roof over my head and shoes on my feet let alone food in my mouth. I hope that this is not the universe telling me that I made a huge mistake but I don't feel like I did. I think if it were a mistake that clinical would not eventually make waking up at 5am seem not so bad. (Okay, 5am is always bad but once I get going on the floor I realize why I am there.)

Apartments. I have not looked for an apartment since 2006. Nothing has changes. I forgot that hunting with another person makes it more difficult to get to a place where you can both stand to live. I understand one place is two hundred dollars cheaper than the other apartment that we saw but I would not pay to live in a place that looked that grungy. It could just be that the person just woke up and that they hadn't really cleaned up but there was very little storage, the ceilings were sloped in some places, and it was just sooo dark. I felt like I was in some sort of fort cave thing with carpet that matched the earth, and no it was not green. I am okay with a one bedroom apartment but I am not okay with the one bedroom frat house apartment just so that we save money and are motivated to find a house sooner rather than later.

The wedding planning is so far going swimmingly! Next week we are meeting with a potential photographer and we are also waiting to hear back from a potential DJ. Along with that, the whole wedding party has almost been chosen. I have one more spot to fill and he is waiting to hear from one person to see if he had one or two spots to fill. We agree on the degree of fanciness (AKA very little) and I think that we are in agreement of colors as well. I am not completely sure about the colors but I think I know what they are going to be. I am just having such a hard time with seeing a color pattern that I want. I know that the venue will be white lines so I really want the colors that we choose to pop out on the white. As usual, he does not care what color we pick but he has been very proactive with getting the photographer and the DJ set up. We also have the room block set up and ready to go.  I think we are moving right along. I hope that simple stays fantastic!

One of those nights

I have to say, up until a very recent few days ago I was having a pretty good streak of optimism. It has come crashing down in a flaming ball of vengeance right into my face. So much for trying to reintegrate myself and be productive at the same time. This will be a reminder to never try this again.

We have picked our venue and our date for the wedding! I am so excited for the venue! It is everything that we want and need all in one place and I don't think we could've done better judging by the things I found in my research. Right now we are chugging along in the planning. I have been dragging my feet on the color scheme but we are going to talk to some photographers and DJs to make sure that we have the booked for the big day. I also found out that one of my trivia friends is an ordained minister and I am going to see if he will marry us and how much his fees are.  I feel like having someone we know marry us would be an awesome addition to our wedding. I have gotten 2 acceptances for my bridesmaids and now I just have two more to get. I know who I want my third person to be but I am jumping between a few people for the fourth. Other than this third person, everyone else I want to ask is out of town so I don't want to add any pressure to them and I know from personal experience how stressful it can be to not be in the same town as everyone else in the wedding. I do not know if he has picked any one for his groomsmen but that is his job not mine.

So I attended my first family event since Christmas eve and I must say that it was not as bad as I thought it would be but if it is any predictor of what it will be like at my wedding, there may be a deep freeze in the midst of the summer. I spent the afternoon talking to my sister, brother in law, uncle, his partner, my other uncle, his wife, and I played with a cat. My mom did not say a word to me. At the end of the night, after my grandparents left, I told my parents that we had decided on our wedding venue and that we were going to pick a date because we were debating between two weekends and if we should do Saturday or Sunday. I was so nicely informed that the date I wanted for the past few months was, " The worst date to pick ever. What in the world makes you think that is a good idea? People have holiday plans that they do every year and they are not going to want to deviate from them You will ruin a lot of people's holidays..." Thanks mom, that is exactly what I want to hear about my wedding. I told her that the site has a website and that there is a photo gallery she can check out. I said I would email her a link but that if I was not able to that she could type in the name of the venue into Google and the first 5 links would lead her to the site. I stayed later at my parents' house today to tell them in person that we set a date and have started planning. All of a sudden my mom says, "You will have to take me out to the site so that we can plan it. I need to know how formal and appraise the situation..." All I could say was, "You didn't look at the website yet?" This was apparently the wrong thing to ask because then all of a sudden she did not know the name of the site or the website or how to find it because I did not send her a link by email so how was she supposed to know. So I reminded her of the conversation that we had on Sunday and she doesn't remember the conversation at all so she doesn't think that it happened. She turns and asks my dad if he remembers the conversation and he told the truth and said yes. At this point in time she decided to start yelling at him for not telling her and not reminding her to look at the website. By now, I am fed up as all hell. So I tell her that we are getting married in a civil war era barn and they we are going simple and not formal. She did not remember any of this conversation. Then the whole thing turned into a big stink about meeting his parents and I just told her that they probably won't meet them until the wedding. The whole mess has now turned into how inappropriate that is and how awkward it would make the wedding. That is just unacceptable and my finance needs to do something about it. I am not (nor can I) forcing his family to go out to dinner with my insane mother.

I have no idea what to do with all of this. We were doing so well and getting organized and planning and I go to tell them one thing and I am wishing I would have won the battle to go to City Hall. I hope that this is not a bad omen but right now she can't be part of the planning because I will not survive it. I don't understand why everything that I have done so far with planning is horrible. That opinion of her's is not going to change and it will not make anything easy. I heard the things that she and my grandmother said about another very nice heavily planned event and I am so afraid that they are going to go around bad mouthing me like they did that person.

To night is one of those nights where I wish I lived somewhere else. There are a whole bunch of loud annoying guys in my house drinking and carrying on why there are a group of girls in the attic. I am getting from every angle and all I want to do right now is go to sleep. I have a 12-1230 in the ER tomorrow and quite frankly this is obnoxiously annoying and not conducive to my life right now. If I could just detach the room from the rest of the house that would be great right about now. Here is to sleep I will not be getting anytime soon...

Some days

I was thinking that all the stress and aggravation of things was in the process of disappearing. I was quite wrong on that note. I seriously feel like I might have been just slightly delusional when I was thinking that. As it turns out, all the stress just shifts into a different spot, kind of like osmosis, from high concentrations of stress to lower ones.

The stress of buying a house is now gone. Instead it is stress of looking for an apartment. Our target moving date is in July or August so there is still sometime to look. However, I know one of the persons getting ready to take an already empty room at the current house is someone who I can only take for limited periods of time. Don't get me wrong, this person is a very nice and caring person but just way too hyper for me. So the unsaid goal is to be out before this person moves in. The other stress is finding a place that is not a slum, affordable, and in the area we are currently in. I know I have only been searching two days but there have not been a lot of options in the two days I have been looking. Hopefully, this stress will pass quickly.

The main stress on my mind right now is twofold. School and job hunting. School because I am trying to juggle my preceptor's schedule, my school schedule, getting my hours in and forcing myself to stay at work to get enough cash to cover random expenses. Not only that but graduation is going to be a battle. There us just so much stupid family politics dealing with invitations that I would just rather not go. There are people that I would LOVE to invite to my graduation due to their support and the fact that they are proud of my accomplishment but inviting these people and not certain family member would start an amazing uproar. Said relatives were not supportive of me nor did they believe in my ability or that I should have even gone to school. My question is, why should be people who did not support me, my decisions, or my accomplishments be there to celebrate? To me, they shouldn't be but because they are not there the people who did support me can not be there. I know that does not make sense but what will make this whole thing make sense is that those who are not invited will hear about the others being invited in passing conversation. This would mostly happen because the invited people would assume that the family members would be invited. This would just cause gossip and unwanted conflict that I want to avoid.

The other scenario that I am fearing is the uninvited guest being invited by a parent (and showing up) because this parent feels that the family member should be there. I have actually debated not sending my parents an invitation and just telling them all the details a few days before so that this can be avoided. As I am typing this I know that I sound like some paranoid and possibly delusional person, but would be extremely upset if this person showed up at my graduation, especially unannounced.

So far there is nothing on the job front. So many applications and no call backs. It really is starting to make me freak out and the calming don't worry bull that everyone is spewing does nothing for me. I also hate that they basically did a bate and switch on us. They tell us there is this whole big job pool and then every single week the job pool is smaller and smaller and smaller so that we are being advised to take the first job offer we get no matter how miserable you will be for the year you must stay there. I feel like they think that we are all just fresh out of high school or college with no experience what-so-ever and will eat this "advice" up like candy. After being in some of the units and specialty areas I have been in, I don't know how easy it will be for me to go back.

Tomorrow we are going to see a wedding venue. We are hoping that it is what we want/need. I want to set a date and start planning. I want to know where we are doing this so I can start to get all the info I need and start getting everything set up so that I can do all the research I need to make this all sooo much easier.

Some day the stress will go away or just become less intense.

7 more weeks...

So there are six more weeks of juggling clinical, random mandatory class events, work, and life. Seven more weeks left in the term and I am getting more and more antsy everyday.

The interview day that HR set up for the school has been done for about two weeks. I only got one interview and no call back. I have been putting in applications anywhere from one to five applications as a time. I have not had any calls for interviews and a freak out is right on the verge of happening. I am hearing of who has gotten call backs and I am wondering either what I did wrong or how this person was able to get this job? One of the positions accepted kind of blows my mind...

So today I took this exam called the HESI. It doesn't count for anything but it is supposed to predict how people will preform on the NCLEX. I learned that I need to by a Psych NCLEX book because that is where my lowest score was. The school has set their acceptable pass number at 850 and the pass number at 900. I did pretty well so even if I don't get a job after all this, I will still be an RN, haha!

This week we are going to look at a wedding venue and I hope that it is what we want and that we can just do the deposit and start getting this stuff done.

Now that we are not looking at houses I need to start looking at apartments and finding a job. If I don't get a job right away we need to make sure that wherever we go that won't affect it too badly. I am hoping that does not become the situation but there are no guarantees in the job field. I just hope that I hear something soon because with finding a place to live, planning a wedding, and having other costs kick back in this could be either something good or something bad. I am hoping for the good.

Anything else want to get complicated...?

8 more weeks to go and I am ready for them to go by very quickly! This whole scheduling thing between our one theory day a week, the hours we are required to put in on the clinical floor, a quality improvement project, and working outside of all of this is killing my brain. It just makes me want to not do anything once I figure out the week! Between floor hours and the class hours, I understand some of the regulations and rules they put in place but my faculty leader is taking this to the extreme! I really and truly in many of the up coming weeks could have my week in by Monday and then gain back the hours that I am missing these first two weeks but no. If my time between school and shift is even one minuet less than 8 hours it has been deemed not able to do.... Kill me now.

On other news, we have decided that a house will not be happening for us at this point in time. Everything is not coming together as smoothly for us as we need it to so we will wait a year or two. I am really bummed about this because I was hoping to have a house before we got married. It is not like we won't be living in our own space but an apartment just feels like a step backwards or a random go between till we get to where we want to be. I am hoping with all the effort I am putting in on this job search that I pass my boards on the first try and we can get a house ASAP!

Wedding news is a little better. We are going to see a place in about a week or two. It is out in Ligonier and I hope that it is as nice at the pictures and that it can be everything we want/need it to be because I want to get a date set and start planning so that we can take at least one step forward! I know that you shouldn't sign on the first place you see but getting at least on thing under control would be a plus!

This past weekend I did get to have some fun and spent sometime in Washington D.C. We had a good time. I do have to say the rough spots on the Metro did make me want to puke at times. I spent the first night loving Sangria from the Pirate Bar but the next day's breakfast was a good pick me up. I got to see the Smithsonian, but only selected galleries but they were pretty fun. We took in a DC United Soccer game and it was a lot of fun. I will say with the rain and as it got colder I was distracted by the task of looking for the hot chocolate vendor who was walking through the stands, haha!

The job front is probably the worst complication yet! HR was nice enough to set up an interview day to give us an option/a chance to get a position. They did not get enough information to give us as job applicants to allow us to make informed decisions. We did not receive any information on which units and floors were hiring so we all made decision based on what we wanted not what was available and what we wanted. So then we had decide what we would settle for if all of our first choices were off the board. I was only able to get one interview for this interview day and then when I told the HR people that I applied at three other hospitals that are not where I am at school and I also applied for a position that they told me was not available to me. I think I got the  worst " How did you find that information?" look from the lady. I know that they are trying to help but by withholding information and "forcing" us to go where they feel we should go is not the way to do this. There are some people that do need to go to a med-surg floor and I think that if I were one of those people they would have put me on a med-surg floor for preceptor. I just can not see myself being functionally happy for at least two years to fulfill a tuition remission program and not get burnt out from the insanity that comes with the floor.

When does complicated smooth out?

Not so Quiet on the Western Front

So preceptor started this week. The ER will be a great place! I was so nervous last night I really thought I was going to have a revisit of what I ate for dinner. The nurses, docs and PCTs were all really nice and awesome. They made me feel really welcome in the DEM and were more than willing to give me learning opportunities to see and participate in. The team work was great and I have a feeling it is going to be a good 10 weeks.

Right now, sleep scheduling is going to be the biggest thing. I am going to be working a lot of over night shifts so I will be sleeping for a good portion of the day. With that said, I actually have no problem changing my sleep schedule, it is basically already done. The problem is going to be with the roommates. See, one of our roommates is moving out and I understand packing and moving and disassembling things that need to go but NOT AT 830AM! I was so nicely woken up by massive thuds that sounded like they were going to comes straight through the ceiling and kill me. These were not the usual work out thuds from the weights either. I was quite miserable and angry. When I said something to someone who called me around the same time I was told to chill out. Well, I would chill out if this person was as respectful to the rest of the house as we are to her. She doesn't sleep well and just in general has issues with sleep and sleep cycles. When she is sleeping or we know she will be sleeping, no one does anything that could be loud or disruptive. This includes vacuuming, cleaning certain rooms, and basically anything that would indicate that there is life in the house. I have say that this is not the first time I have been woken up by this at all. This is also the same person that will snipe the bathroom from you ( or just knock and then barge right in without even making sure it is okay) when you are trying to get to class or go to work because she is going to bed after coming home from work. I think it is safe to say that I am either ready for me to leave or for her to leave. I am really coming to my wits end with all of this because it is almost like " You can't do anything its this person and they are just that way and they don't understand." Well I can tell you what I don't understand, why can she break all the boundries and respect rules about living with others but the rest of us have to tip toe? It isn't just the noise either. The amount of dishes that were left in the sink for about a week was ridiculous. Why were they in the sink for a week.... because this person went out of state and left the for me to do and quite frankly I wasn't cleaning up after this person again.

Moral of the story: There is a time when roommates are an idea of the past and they need to stay there.

One more day!! I have to believe that I can last one more closing shift or else I will probably tell the customers to make their own coffee and leave them standing there. I will admit that really is not a good plan because after graduation I have at least 5 weeks until I will be able to work with my GN license. This bomb was just dropped on me on Monday...What great timing! Looking to buy a house, planning a wedding, and trying to change a career path is probably a bomb waiting to go off.

So, tonight I ended up training the new person that will be taking the place of the other girl who left before me. Apparently, the training is going swimmingly according to my boss. She had the genius idea of having our weakest employee train the new kid so that weak link would learn what she did not know. My question in this whole thing is, how do you expect to have a competent employee by training this way? Well, that fell through on the very first day that it happened. My boss ended up micromanaging the training sooo much that I spent five and a half hours waiting on customers and rushes on a Saturday night myself. After all the closing was done, she decided to make an example out of the close and started messing with the beverage case and trying to bake last minuet. Needless to say we ended up cleaning up her mess of broken juice bottles. We did not get out of the store until close to 11 o'clock. It was horrible. I found out tonight that the training had not been going well at all! The kid shakes like a leaf anytime there is a line. At one point he apologized for using the direction cards to make drinks. I didn't understand so I told him there is no need to apologize, you are doing what you are supposed to be doing. This is when I found out that anytime he is moving too slow for her or not doing it the way that she wants snatching (this is the word he actually used) the cups, ingredients, and cards out of his hands.  He was afraid that I was going to do the same thing to him! I was so appalled!  To calm him down I had to tell him " I will never snatch anything out of your hand because one it is rude, two it is obnoxious, and three you will never learn anything if I am ripping it out of your hands all the time." After that he calmed down and was okay with me helping with drinks when there was a line. He should not be that shaken coming into work.

In better more happy news, we may have found somewhere for the wedding. We have made contact with them and told them the day that we like. We are going to try and make an appointment to go and tour the place and the grounds early next month. Along with that, we looked up the closed hotel. Since the wedding with not be in Pittsburgh, we will need to block rooms for most of our family and friends, especially my family. If we go with this place, everything is included with an on site organizer. Since I know he wants dancing for sure, we will be limited to 250 people, which is plenty big enough for me. We may reach that number very quickly because it has to be a kid friendly reception.  So far the price points on the menu and brochure seem pretty good compared to some of the ones I know I will find here in the city. Apparently he is really excited to see this place because he has been to some events at a different area of the venue and it is near a lot of things he grew up by. I am just as excited to see it because it is a big first step but it will make 2 things (venue and date) disappear from my wedding to do list!

One end is near

I am going to admit this now, I am horrible with keeping up with this blog writing thing. I hope that those of you who are reading this will keep returning and find a little bit of either joy, entertainment or both for that matter. I am also open to comments. Feed back is good.

So the latest and the greatest (and not so greatest)! One more week with two jobs! Next Saturday will hopefully be the last Saturday that I serve coffee in a coffee shop for the rest of my life! I say hopefully because the last time I swore I would never go back and look what good that did for me. I have to say that my boss is trying her hardest to get me to stay there through preceptor but I do not think she likes the continual answer of no. The explanation of" my school schedule will not be fair to you" is starting to wear thin in the delivery and I am getting closer to screaming "You're driving me insane and I don't want to stay in the insanity!" I have 3 days to get through and then maybe I will have some free time!

The other job.... How much longer I can put up with it will be a test of mental strength, will and determination. Dealing with the store associates is hard enough. Now the store manager is starting to take her own little digs and gripes. I thought that things were going to stop getting worse when someone stole my clothing fixture out of the wall while it was in use. Nope. Now the store manager has taken it upon herself to tell the soft lines manager (a person who has absolutely no authority and has made no efforts to show any sort of cooperation or respect for me, my company, or my product) that I am lazy. How exactly am I lazy if I: cleaned up all my go backs, combed through ALL of my racks to PROPERLY put away all my product from when I was not there, cleared the floor, moved my floor around, refreshed face-outs, and managed to check for shipment that needed to go out (there was none) before your people have touched a fitting room let alone walked through the area (not that they do)? I use the same merchandising method infront of my managers (from my company) when they are in for store visits and they are actually quite impressed by the speed and accuracy at which I clean my product area. I was reprimanded for having coffee... I know, from my company head honchos that I'm allowed to have a beverage on the floor. I don't know what their deal is here at this store but targeting people and spreading falsities about them is wrong. I hate to say it but I have complained to my companies upper management but when I did, I had proof. There were no false accusations. They have the photos that back up every statement and a written time line. I hate to say is department store company but you are trying to mess with the wrong person. I know you think I am some 16 year old with my first "real" paying job, well you need to think again!

In good news... We got our assignments for preceptor. My request for the ER was accepted!! I will be spending 10 weeks in a level I trauma ER and I am sooo excited. It is a little scary because I was not given a rotation there this year, I had a little break but I still love the environment. I am hoping for lots of interesting cases and some smooth sailing! I will get my preceptor, the nurse or murse that will be mentoring me for the next 10 week, this week. I will be able to plan my life a little further into the future. Now I have no choice but to pass this term! I have the final left and I took the last unit exam today. I won't know the results until either 11pm tonight or until tomorrow. I looked up everything I could so I am hoping I missed minimal questions so that I can be in a good place for the final. To start panicking in the last three days of a term is horrible and I would prefer not to do it.

House hunting is going more smoothly and less smoothly. We have decided on a school district and we have a short list of houses that we want to look at. I am hoping to move in either June or July. That way,  won't be too far out from a solid paycheck (pending that interview day goes well) and I will have time to do some home shopping and setting up. From there we are going to have to figure out what we want to do for the wedding. By then we will have a year to plan. I know it will be crazy with just moving into a new place but I think that we can do it safely, especially with me getting a better job! We still have not decided on where we want to get married. All I know is that I like July and that is it!

Happy Easter.. I guess. It seems like every holiday something not so great has to happen. I was smart and avoided going to a family function after being at work for part of the day. It has been discovered that going to any sort of big family event (at least for me) after working is a very dangerous idea. This year, I played it safe and we made our own Easter meal. I must say marinated steaks, broccoli and cauliflower with cheese sauce, bruschetta and devil's food cupcakes was quite the feast!

Today's great discovery is, buying a house might not be so fun. We decided to do the search by school district. By this I mean that we are searching good public school districts because he is not a fan of the Pittsburgh Public School district, which I can understand. Boy was I wrong to think that ANY school district outside of the PPS lines would do. We asked for some opinions from his friends, via a Facebook post, and got back ehh results. Shaler, Fox Chapel, Gateway, Mt. Lebo were the ones that were suggested. Then Shaler was thrown out the window due to massive amounts of drugs... I didn't know that. One of his friend's is looking for schools to send her kids to soon and apparently she has become the go to for the 411 on the schools of Pittsburgh. With the suggestion on Chartiers Valley, we start our search and I can't say that we are any closer nor am I very happy with how this is going. I turned down the idea of looking out of county because even thought the taxes are cheaper, let's face it, no one really wants to drive an extra 45 min in rush hour traffic to get to work and back. There are not many hospitals out that way and if I do this tuition forgiveness thing then that is what my drive will be, road rage beginning at 430am about 4 days a week. Fox Chapel is expensive. Apparently, the only houses that we will find there would be on the outskirts of the district, so why do I keep looking there? Why do I keep looking at the same places even though they "won't work"? They are too expensive, the taxes are too high, they are far away from the hospitals... Today is the first time that I am hearing about half of this list. Trying to remedy this was probably the stupidest thing I could have tried because not only did my attempt fail miserably but I did not even understand the complaint (still don't.)

So, how do you find a good school district with: 1) low taxes, 2) safe neighborhoods, 3) close to the hospitals, 4) not expensive, and 5) not going to cost me my sanity? Well, if I knew the answer I do not think I would be typing this right now, would I?

I feel like there is no way for me to get an answer to these questions because looking at the information/ranking websites for the school really tells you jack shit unless you are a certified statistician with a Phd in numbers that regular people prefer not to have to look at. The information we got from the post, opinions, doesn't seem to help at all. It is bias to the people who told us but if half the things that were already suggested have been axed by one person, how in the hell is it supposed to be an option?

I caved about 20 minuets before typing this and started looking at houses in the Ligonier Valley school district because I just feel like there will be no avoiding looking out of county after today.

Two more weeks left in this term and I just want to be done. Two more weeks at one of my jobs as well and I can tell you after the rude people we had today, I can not wait to be done. It is Easter Sunday people!! Go eat a freaking ham with your family or sit at home because it is a HOLIDAY! I know that it has not been that long since holidays were spent with family eating dinner or at your home because either nothing was open or your family did not go anywhere besides to church or other family members' houses.

The end is near.... Well, kind of...

Two weeks left of regular classes.... I am not so sure that I can handle it! The end of this is just soo close with one online test and the final left to take before 10 weeks of preceptor. I just have to make sure I don't screw it up!

The closer it comes to graduation the close the rest of my life comes back to me!!! Right now, moving is on my mind! I can not wait until I can take a shower and not have someone knock on the door saying, " I need to brush my teeth (because I'm going to bed while you're getting ready for school)," " I left my water bottle in the bathroom, can I come in and get it?" even though there are like 50 million in the kitchen. I miss having the shower to myself and having the bathroom on time. I think it may have happened a now record 4 times in the past 8 weeks. I think that we are overdue for our own space whether it is buying or renting it.

Speaking of the house hunt, it is on hold until we hear from the loan man. It has been a week so, I guess we will just wait and see. I figure that if we haven't heard from him by now that we probably won't hear anything until after the Easter holiday.

Wedding plans are still just kind of the look around kind of plans. Nothing crazy but I have some ideas on the random little things that I would like to do.

Oh holidays...how will I be spending you this year.... Why that would be making coffee and then coming home to make dinner. I am not really feeling the whole big family holiday dinner. I know what most of you are thinking ("Why, that is horrible! You should want to spend the holiday with your family!") but after accepting a work shift I definitely will be avoiding a big group dinner. There is no need for a repeat of the last holiday airing of my crimes.

The span between Christmas eve and Easter has actually been pretty refreshing. I was just pretty removed from everything that was causing unnecessary pressure and ill will. The break has just let me walk away from all of it and not have to deal with it. I know that not dealing with a problem is not the way to solve it but it has been the best solution by far. This theory of mine may show great problems when it comes time to plan the wedding and all that stuff that is coming up but, like I said, I am not too worried about it at the present time. 

So, today starts the last 4 weeks of nursing classes leading up to preceptor and graduation. So far , so good but with the end being so close it is making me crazy! There is so much prep and planning to do with class work, clinical it is exhausting. Getting ready to apply to jobs and interview is more then enough to make your head explode. With nursing school coming to an end, I am getting the rest of my life back, well for the most part....

Catch up:
So in December I got the amazing surprise of an engagement ring! I am really excited for school to be over so that I can start planning and get everything done! Well, almost everything. There are somethings that will make the planning a little rough. I want to find a venue and pick a date as soon as possible, so that we can get what we want, but there are some travel issues that may end up dictating how the planning goes. I have to say I am fine with that but I just feel like having to wait and see will push things back and that we may have to settle for things that we don't want. I have been looking at things for ideas to see what I want to do. I will see what happens.

Moving is the biggest thing on the table right now. We have been ready to move for about a year now so hopefully this will happen. I want to plan on moving after graduation. I want to wait until then because I will know where I am working and I will have a steady full time job, something I haven't had in about 3 years.... Knowing all of that will make moving and finding what we want a little easier.

I also want to get out of here because I feel like I am going insane! There are 4 people plus a new puppy and significant others in and out all the time. There is just so much going on that it seems like there is no place to go. Right now I am currently hearing weights crash on the attic floor and jumping around because of a workout. This happens while I am trying to sleep, study, relax. Basically it happens all the time. We have two rooms that are ours and one is an office for one person that is not me. We need our own space.

Nursing school: 4 more weeks of class (as previously stated) and then 10 weeks of preceptor. Right now I just have to pass Critical Care to move on. In the mean time, I am hoping and wishing that I get a placement that I will enjoy for ten weeks. I can more than safely say that a psych nursing placement would make my life 10 weeks of unbearable horror. I am hoping that I get a position either in the ICU or the ER. All the input I have been allowed to have to sway their judgement (or as one instructor told us, "Sell yourself") has been turned in. Here is to hoping that it is enough to keep me happy, sane, and to getting a possible foot in the door!

Here is to surviving the ride and inevitable insanity that is about to ensue!